Reply to Once again am hurt over dysfunctional family and holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I understand completely.   Just wanted to let you know that.

Disappointment is hard....it's like a grief.    I'm sorry.

[/quote]

I missed this response the first time around and wanted to say thank you for this and others that were kind and validating. I really appreciate it!

Lots of good suggestions for creating alternative traditions, which we've done in the past and will look to do this year too. It's mostly the feelings, though. I want to feel like a grownup, and [b]I go back to feeling like a lonely, hurt little kid.[/b] I don't want to project that on my own kids, as one poster cautioned. I'm pretty far from accepting everything and am just trying not to ruin anyone else's holiday with my own messiness about it. I am very tight-lipped about my family stuff even with my closest childhood friends. They know, but I spare them from the real drama because I'm so ashamed and it's very counter to my outward persona. Therapy has only gotten me so far. Thanks again for the thoughtful responses. [/quote]

So give the lonely, hurt little kid inside of you the comfort and empathy you deserve so that you can focus on creating wonderful family memories for your own kids. Maybe this means taking some time for yourself around each holiday to acknowledge the feelings instead of pushing them down. The lonely, hurt little kid inside of you feels abandoned or unloved, yet the adult you is surrounded by love from a family that you created. And if you find yourself too stuck in these feelings to enjoy the holidays, honestly, a change of scenery around the holidays might work wonders.[/quote]

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