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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I understand completely.   Just wanted to let you know that.

Disappointment is hard....it's like a grief.    I'm sorry.

[/quote]

I missed this response the first time around and wanted to say thank you for this and others that were kind and validating. I really appreciate it!

Lots of good suggestions for creating alternative traditions, which we've done in the past and will look to do this year too. It's mostly the feelings, though. I want to feel like a grownup, and I go back to feeling like a lonely, hurt little kid. I don't want to project that on my own kids, as one poster cautioned. I'm pretty far from accepting everything and am just trying not to ruin anyone else's holiday with my own messiness about it. I am very tight-lipped about my family stuff even with my closest childhood friends. They know, but I spare them from the real drama because I'm so ashamed and it's very counter to my outward persona. Therapy has only gotten me so far. Thanks again for the thoughtful responses. [/quote]

Another chiming in to tell you that I understand. Be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you are not telling either side of the family that you feel disappointed or slighted, but just lamenting about it here. It stinks that the world can be so harsh and judgmental, which is likely why you are tight lipped with even close friends about it. The advice I have for you is this: any friend you would be ashamed knowing that you have an imperfect family, is not a true friend. I bet your friends are more accepting than you would think and talking to them might make you feel better about things. You are worthy of care, consideration, and love. I bet your friends would agree and understand why you were down.[/quote]

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