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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Other posters have this covered, but I also wanted to note that when I finally had a baby in my late 30s, I understood better why, once someone has one kid, they'd have more even if financially the first was already a strain. I stopped at one child, which was always my plan, but it was harder than I expected it to be. Once you realize the joy of having a little baby who loves you in this very uncomplicated way and pats your face with their tiny hands... it's just very hard to resist having another. If it weren't for my age, I think I would have wound up having another even though it's not the family I planned for myself. Just because I loved my baby so much and the desire to have another to love, and also to see my baby learn to become a sibling, was very strong.

I have a friend who had a baby at 15 and then another at 17 with another father. I love her, but I had never really understood why she had her second. She was not opposed to abortion and her first, though dearly loved, had changed the trajectory of her education and life enormously. But after having a baby, I understand it more. I remember her talking about wanting her kids to feel like a family. And she was already a teen mom, so it's not like having her second, she would have avoided stigma or financial burden. I understand better that while her choices might not have made logical sense to me, who wasn't even having sex at that age much less contemplating starting a family, there actually was an internal logic to her choices that could only be understood if you were in her position.

Also, while she struggle a lot early in life, she ultimately did get a associates degree and a solid career as a dental technician, and her kids are both grown and went to college themselves. And now she has a pretty peaceful and stable life, with two grandchildren she gets to spend lots of time with at a young age. Her life wasn't destroyed and I guarantee you that she doesn't regret either of her kids. It's not the ideal path through life but it's not the catastrophe people sometimes make it out to be. [/quote]

I think it's a lot more expensive now to keep of roof over your head and pay for kids than it was decades ago. It must more expensive now.[/quote]

But as a PP pointed out, people who have kids in their teens are generally not doing it the way people who have them later in life do. I'm PP and my friend lived with her mom until she was 25 or 26. She helped with living expenses because she worked, but she didn't go out on her own and get an apartment for her and the kids. She also split childcare duties with her mom in the early years. Plus once she had the first baby, she switched form our HS to an alternative campus that had onsite childcare, so she was able to finish HS on time and that childcare was subsidized. Her kids were both in grade school by the time she was 22/23, and teenagers by the time she hit her 30s. She has had the same full time job for the last 20+ years and was able to save for their college and put money away for her own retirement.

She had a good solid relationship with her mom (who was also a teen mom and was a single mom) and they actually had a really functional home when those kids were little.

Having kids is expensive for you and I because of how we did it, and also how our parents expected us to do it (on our own, away from them, while supporting ourselves and hiring extra help we need, and usually continuing to work which necessitates more childcare). There are actually real efficiencies to having kids very young with lots of family assistance. [/quote]

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