Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:32     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of younger female relatives that had their first child in their teens, which was tough enough. But then they had more kids with other boyfriends in their early twenties. They struggle financially and socially with unstable relationships and stress. What is the logic among younger women, wanting so many kids so young?


Because they can’t afford an abortion or birth control.


I think they are throwing caution to the wind and if they get pregnant they will be happy with the pregnancy. But after the baby is born, they are more poor, unstable and stressed and trying desperately to find the next boyfriend - some of whom are young with kids too! It's a weird cycle.

I think older women who struggle with infertility shot the dice and waited because they don't want to be poor and unstable. The younger women shot the dice to get pregnant to be guaranteed to be poor and unstable.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:28     Subject: Re:Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Young men are horny and want to have sex without condoms.

Young women are usually from tough family situations, many a times sexually abused or groomed by family members, and they confuse the sexual hunger of a man as love. They get that attention from men who are just interested in having someone to fuxx.

So there you have it. By being pregnant they get some attention - good or bad.

Girls from loving and stable family, girls who are not abused and girls who have strong loving dads - go on to get an education and if they have sex, they have BC and they protect themselves.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:27     Subject: Re:Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Other posters have this covered, but I also wanted to note that when I finally had a baby in my late 30s, I understood better why, once someone has one kid, they'd have more even if financially the first was already a strain. I stopped at one child, which was always my plan, but it was harder than I expected it to be. Once you realize the joy of having a little baby who loves you in this very uncomplicated way and pats your face with their tiny hands... it's just very hard to resist having another. If it weren't for my age, I think I would have wound up having another even though it's not the family I planned for myself. Just because I loved my baby so much and the desire to have another to love, and also to see my baby learn to become a sibling, was very strong.

I have a friend who had a baby at 15 and then another at 17 with another father. I love her, but I had never really understood why she had her second. She was not opposed to abortion and her first, though dearly loved, had changed the trajectory of her education and life enormously. But after having a baby, I understand it more. I remember her talking about wanting her kids to feel like a family. And she was already a teen mom, so it's not like having her second, she would have avoided stigma or financial burden. I understand better that while her choices might not have made logical sense to me, who wasn't even having sex at that age much less contemplating starting a family, there actually was an internal logic to her choices that could only be understood if you were in her position.

Also, while she struggle a lot early in life, she ultimately did get a associates degree and a solid career as a dental technician, and her kids are both grown and went to college themselves. And now she has a pretty peaceful and stable life, with two grandchildren she gets to spend lots of time with at a young age. Her life wasn't destroyed and I guarantee you that she doesn't regret either of her kids. It's not the ideal path through life but it's not the catastrophe people sometimes make it out to be.


I think it's a lot more expensive now to keep of roof over your head and pay for kids than it was decades ago. It must more expensive now.


But as a PP pointed out, people who have kids in their teens are generally not doing it the way people who have them later in life do. I'm PP and my friend lived with her mom until she was 25 or 26. She helped with living expenses because she worked, but she didn't go out on her own and get an apartment for her and the kids. She also split childcare duties with her mom in the early years. Plus once she had the first baby, she switched form our HS to an alternative campus that had onsite childcare, so she was able to finish HS on time and that childcare was subsidized. Her kids were both in grade school by the time she was 22/23, and teenagers by the time she hit her 30s. She has had the same full time job for the last 20+ years and was able to save for their college and put money away for her own retirement.

She had a good solid relationship with her mom (who was also a teen mom and was a single mom) and they actually had a really functional home when those kids were little.

Having kids is expensive for you and I because of how we did it, and also how our parents expected us to do it (on our own, away from them, while supporting ourselves and hiring extra help we need, and usually continuing to work which necessitates more childcare). There are actually real efficiencies to having kids very young with lots of family assistance.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:23     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.


From a biological standpoint this is very much the natural order of things. Beyond the many women who struggle to conceive after prioritizing education and career for most or all of their 20s, and many who are never successful because they waited too long and cannot afford fertility treatments, there is also the very real issue of modern women who have children later in life having less support from other generations who just don’t have the energy once grandchildren and great grandchildren come along.

It would be nice if we could reorganize our society so that women could have babies in their early 20s if they want to without losing all the opportunities that come from delayed motherhood. Iceland is one of the few countries that really enforces this approach through social policies to support mothers.

The current model is unsustainable, I know that.


Please no. I'd rather have well rounded adults who are educated (high school, trade school and/or college if they want), had time to save, and who have stable marriages than 20 years olds having babies.

I think most women put off children because they haven't gotten married yet, not because of a lack of money.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:21     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.


From a biological standpoint this is very much the natural order of things. Beyond the many women who struggle to conceive after prioritizing education and career for most or all of their 20s, and many who are never successful because they waited too long and cannot afford fertility treatments, there is also the very real issue of modern women who have children later in life having less support from other generations who just don’t have the energy once grandchildren and great grandchildren come along.

It would be nice if we could reorganize our society so that women could have babies in their early 20s if they want to without losing all the opportunities that come from delayed motherhood. Iceland is one of the few countries that really enforces this approach through social policies to support mothers.

The current model is unsustainable, I know that.


pp here -- this is such a valid point and I would love to know more about Iceland's support system.

I had my child at 26 (planned) and it has worked out great for me but it was under unusual circumstances. My career has not suffered at all.

I am anecdotally seeing more of my peers have a baby in their late 20s with the advent of paid parental leave.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:20     Subject: Re:Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Anonymous wrote:Other posters have this covered, but I also wanted to note that when I finally had a baby in my late 30s, I understood better why, once someone has one kid, they'd have more even if financially the first was already a strain. I stopped at one child, which was always my plan, but it was harder than I expected it to be. Once you realize the joy of having a little baby who loves you in this very uncomplicated way and pats your face with their tiny hands... it's just very hard to resist having another. If it weren't for my age, I think I would have wound up having another even though it's not the family I planned for myself. Just because I loved my baby so much and the desire to have another to love, and also to see my baby learn to become a sibling, was very strong.

I have a friend who had a baby at 15 and then another at 17 with another father. I love her, but I had never really understood why she had her second. She was not opposed to abortion and her first, though dearly loved, had changed the trajectory of her education and life enormously. But after having a baby, I understand it more. I remember her talking about wanting her kids to feel like a family. And she was already a teen mom, so it's not like having her second, she would have avoided stigma or financial burden. I understand better that while her choices might not have made logical sense to me, who wasn't even having sex at that age much less contemplating starting a family, there actually was an internal logic to her choices that could only be understood if you were in her position.

Also, while she struggle a lot early in life, she ultimately did get a associates degree and a solid career as a dental technician, and her kids are both grown and went to college themselves. And now she has a pretty peaceful and stable life, with two grandchildren she gets to spend lots of time with at a young age. Her life wasn't destroyed and I guarantee you that she doesn't regret either of her kids. It's not the ideal path through life but it's not the catastrophe people sometimes make it out to be.


I think it's a lot more expensive now to keep of roof over your head and pay for kids than it was decades ago. It must more expensive now.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:19     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of younger female relatives that had their first child in their teens, which was tough enough. But then they had more kids with other boyfriends in their early twenties. They struggle financially and socially with unstable relationships and stress. What is the logic among younger women, wanting so many kids so young?


Because they can’t afford an abortion or birth control.


This isn't all of it, but it's a major part. I grew up in an area with high poverty and teen pregnancy rates and my mother works with teen moms. The birth control methods pushed on teen girls (because they assume they will not consistently take pills) are often the worst methods in terms of side effects and failure rates. Depo Provera is a big one in these populations. Terrible method. IUDs need to be promoted more among teens. There is a false narrative out there that they are not a good option for women who've never had kids. Pain management during insertion is important, even for women who have had children, but they are such an effective method and "set it and forget it" methods are great for teens who may be inconsistent with pills.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:16     Subject: Re:Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Even before what went down this year, not everyone has access to abortions.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 12:16     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.


From a biological standpoint this is very much the natural order of things. Beyond the many women who struggle to conceive after prioritizing education and career for most or all of their 20s, and many who are never successful because they waited too long and cannot afford fertility treatments, there is also the very real issue of modern women who have children later in life having less support from other generations who just don’t have the energy once grandchildren and great grandchildren come along.

It would be nice if we could reorganize our society so that women could have babies in their early 20s if they want to without losing all the opportunities that come from delayed motherhood. Iceland is one of the few countries that really enforces this approach through social policies to support mothers.

The current model is unsustainable, I know that.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 11:36     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Depends, but many people have children they can't support because they didn't have easy, affordable access to birth control or abortion. I remember working with some women who were living in poverty and struggling with addiction, but they continued to have babies (with multiple absentee men) because they couldn't afford birth control and there were no free clinics where they lived to even get a prescription. Many wouldn't get an abortion because of their religious views (yeah, I know).
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 11:11     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Have you ever seen the TLC show “Unexpected”? This program shows the ups and downs of teens having babies. Typically, teens pregnancies have occurred for a few generations. They interview the soon to be grandma, who is in her early 40’s, and the great grandma, who is barely 60 years old. It’s an eye opener and honestly, maybe a must see TV for the young teen crowd. Note the gender reveals and baby showers the new mother’s expect.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 10:56     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
It’s a weird think one tik tok and Facebook feels right now. Like it’s a literally trend to brag about being a teen mom of multiple kids.

Do not get it at all.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 10:53     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Anonymous wrote:Also, don’t forget that for most people, they could literally never afford ivf, so having a baby while you still can is a lot more of a consideration


Umm I doubt the 17 year old who doesn't plan to finish high school thinks "oh I should do this now because I won't be able to afford IVF at 39".
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 10:33     Subject: Re:Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
I think it’s easy to see pregnancy is a way to do things over and right some wrongs. All of us had fantasies of being the perfect parent that our parents weren’t when we had our first child. And then of being a better parent with a second than we were with the first.

I can see how, if you had a baby as a teen, you might be anxious to have another baby a few years later with a more stable partner and experience motherhood the “right” way.

Anonymous
Post 10/18/2022 10:21     Subject: Why do young people have kids they can't afford?
Also, don’t forget that for most people, they could literally never afford ivf, so having a baby while you still can is a lot more of a consideration