Reply to Has anyone regretted leaving over infidelity?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are thinking of imaginable returns associated with staying, but the pain of knowing you are sleeping with someone who has slept with someone else is hard to imagine. Wondering if they took them to that same restaurant, if they are really still in touch or if they are comparing you to the other person. The pain and betrayal are like a wound that does not heal.

You can stuff your feelings down and think "I got the japanese garden" or "fancy car, she did not," but your self esteem takes a real hit. In both of your eyes I think, because the husband knows he has you.

When women discuss this in terms of "divesting," it really turns my stomach because they are leaving the realm of love and intimacy and entering a business mindset which is transactional. Hey, some people live that way, but I operate on another plane.[/quote]

That sort of opinion is very damaging for most women who aren't independently wealthy. You are selling them a pride-filled argument based on nothing real, which runs completely counter to their long-term financial (and thus health and safety) wellbeing.

If you really believe that infidelity is a wound that can't heal and that women who stay are somehow less than women who leave, you need psychiatric help.

[/quote]

I am independently wealthy woman who chose to exit marriage after infidelity. But it was not the infidelity itself - rather his behavior with me, our child overall that made me decide to end the marriage. Our sex was lame, we had nothing to talk about, he was sneaking out to call AP, hiding money by hiring contractors and overpaying them so they would pay him back, forgetting about my birthday or scandalizing with me on my birthday, driving erratically, drinking heavy liquors, calling names and hitting our teenage son - you continue the list!

But I had zero qualms sleeping with him knowing he was cheating. I needed sex once in a while and it was pitiful but at least something. No I was NOT traumatized by the mere fact of him sleeping with someone else; and I don't feel traumatized now. Men are not monogamous by at large, this is reality.

[b]My reality enabled me to exit without catastrophical financial consequences. I still have a nice house, a good job and financial stability. But if I can totally understand if some women stay and don't judge them  [/quote][/b]

Plus, you were/are motivated (not lazy!) and self sufficient - that is not always the case.[/quote]

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