Reply to My Dad is Living With Us and I Lost It Tonight

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[quote=Anonymous]This is OP.

He is 82 but according to his doctors “in remarkable health” for his age. He takes BP meds. miralax, and a vitamin and that’s it. He does have a bit of age-related memory loss but nothing too significant; the doctor said, “his memory is basically better than mine.”

There is no doubt he is depressed and I mentioned this to his new doctor up here when I made the appointment. He had a talk with my dad who does not want to take antidepressants or join and exercise group or “talk to someone.”

The reasons he came to live with us: 
1. So, mom passed away sometime ago and he has been living on his own. At first he kept up with friends and family and that slowly dwindled. Partly because he friends died or moved into independent living or assisted living. His circle shrank tremendously over the past 5 years. He was always by himself and complaining about how he was lonely but he wouldn’t do senior activities at a church, join in the happy hours at the rec center where he lived down south (just a regular housing development but they had activities for residents and a pool, movie night, etc. Lots of both families and retirees)

2. He said over and over he is getting too old to deal with everything himself and just didn’t want to do it anymore. My DH and I have on DS who is in college so he dropped all these hints about how we have nothing better to do with our time now anyway that we are empty nesters (never mind we both work full time). I have one sister but she lives/works out of the country. She has always been partially estranged since she turned 21, cycling in and out whenever she feels like it.

3. His (last) best friend went into an assisted living recently and told my dad horror stories so no way is he going to go for that. The friend called him every day saying how  “god awful” everything is and how he hates being around all those “pathetic old people” and he’s treated like a “piece of shit” by these “morons.”

As I am typing this I am depressing myself even more. Today I tried basically ignoring his complaints/insults/attempts to tell me what to do. It made it a little earlier but he caught on pretty quickly. Example:’”Ignoring my comment about how the how cheap your windows are isn’t going to make the problem go away” “So, I see you are still planning to take the dog out late at night even though your husband is perfectly capable and should be the one to do it” (btw “late at night” was maybe 9PM.

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