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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s really weird that your family culture makes everyone basically invite themselves to everything. I would totally text my parents and at, “we plan to hang out at the pool Saturday afternoon and cook burgers - want to come?”

How hard would that be? You mom is basically asking you to make a small gesture that they are welcome at your house. Grandparents often don’t want to intrude. [/quote]

OP here. I totally get this and if this was our family culture all along that would be fine. The bigger issue is that this is out of the blue.

Of course if I did text my mom to say come join us we are swimming and going to grill I would get her usual excuses: it’s too far, they get really tired when they drive all this way to our house, she’d rather be home and we visit her, etc. In my mom’s mind it’s always the “kids” visiting the parents, not the other way around. I once suggested hosting thanksgiving for everyone and was met with “no way, I would rather everyone come here, it’s easier” responses. [/quote]

NP here. We must have the same mother. Every single time I would invite my mother to come, she would either cancel at the last minute, decline because she is too busy or come and leave within an hour to "avoid traffic".  Too much disappointment and hurt feelings, so I stopped. My mother is welcome at my house anytime, but she still never comes. Ever.[/quote]

OP again. I thought I wrote this for a second. Once she canceled at the last minute and I found out it was because she was mad at me for things she has never mentioned before that she’s been keeping to herself for several years. It was ridiculous.

Again, as I said in my original post, I wasn’t asking if I was doing the right thing, because my mom is a special situation. I was just curious what normal families do. [/quote]

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