Reply to Hints for dealing with parents in elderly unfriendly home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not everyone wants to live in the safest possible place. I’d let them be unless one of them has dementia. Research places in advance they can go when/if there is a fall or other health crisis. Let grown people pick their own living arrangements.

It’s like people pressuring their adult offspring to live in the suburbs because it’s safer. Maybe so, but other things matter too.[/quote]

One of them literally can’t walk up the stairs without pain, and they have to go up stairs multiple times a day in this house.  [/quote]

Not the poster you are responding to, but I get it. I almost think there is an early, early stage of dementia we see, where they are stubborn and have no common sense, but still considered capable of making their own decision. It's maddening. To a rational person it makes no sense someone would stay in that situation. So many of them have debilitating anxiety and the unknown is far scarier than hobbling up the stairs and being in pain. OP, I hope you find the balance balance I could not find. You can bring up concerns, respecting their rights as adults to make their own decisions. You can let them know they need an emergency plan. Then you technically must let go. You can try strategies. Maybe get their doctor involved, but in the end they can do as they please and you have to make peace with the fact they may end up falling and even killing themselves with their choice, but it was their choice. I spent so much time in therapy dealing with so many eldercare issues and I still go back as other things creep up. I never want to do this to my kids.

I used to not understand why research showed people in their mid to late 60s are happiest. Now I get it. Presumably, you are done with eldercare and trying to do right by your parents and hopefully kids are adults and doing OK. You aren't pulled in multiple directions feeling guilty and worrying as much.[/quote]

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