Reply to What makes you want to be friends with someone? Or could you briefly explain how you make friends

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[quote=Anonymous]It's a variety of things. One is just instinct . . . do I get a good "vibe" about them?

I'd like my friends to be the kind of people I aspire to be. So my friends stay informed, volunteer their time, work on self-improvement, etc. It's natural to befriend someone at your same stage of life, but I've also made great friends who were older or younger through work or church or being neighbors.

As for making friends, you need a hook . . . a reason to keep seeing one another in the early stages when your relationship is more tentative. That could be a shared hobby, belonging to the same organization, working with each other, having significant others who are friends, your kids are friends, etc. After spending some time through our hook, then I'd casually mention an opportunity to be together like "Hey, I've enjoyed our conversations, would you like to grab coffee some time next week?" Or "I know you've been looking for a book club. I've been thinking about starting one. Do you want to start one together?" At this stage, keep an open mind and don't get too invested. If the other person isn't vibing with you, then maybe they'll make an excuse why they're too busy right now. At that point I'd back off, though maybe look out for cues that it wasn't an excuse. If they say, "Oh, I'm sorry I was too busy for the book club a few months back. Are you still thinking of making one?" then jump back in.

Friendships are a two way street. Just because you're interested doesn't mean the other person has the time or inclination to make a new friend at the moment. Don't take it personally and keep an open mind . . . you might not have noticed a person who's been pursuing YOU! :) Just throw some darts . . . some of them will stick.[/quote]

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