Reply to Would you gray divorce a “roommate” spouse if…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel sorry for your spouse because you’re not happy, thinking of leaving, and yet how much effort have you made? Have you done individual therapy to figure what’s your issue and put in effort to fix it? Had discussions with your spouse about what’s going on? Talked about ways to reconnect, find common interests, grow closer? [/quote]

NP. OP, what are your answers to the above questions? They are legitimate questions to ask, but you've leaped far ahead to your own questions about "Should I stay for finances" etc.

What have you done for the marriage? There are two people in a marriage and there is a third entity--the marriage itself. Have you talked to her about how YOU regard this as a mere "roommate" situation? (Though like others here, I think that weekly sex is far from a roommate marriage.) Have you, to be blunt, "used your words" or have you just stewed in this apathy toward her without ever telling her that's what's happening in your head? Because if you don't, and you divorce her, that's blindsiding her, and it gives neither of you any chance to step back and consider why you got married in the first place. So: Why DID you get married in the first place? And as PP says: What effort have you made? If you have told her your issues, what effor has she made, and what have you tried together?

I'm wagering on your coming back to insist she won't be receptive to changing anything so you haven't asked or tried. Yet one can't know for sure until...one asks or tries. You sound simply bored and apathetic, but you at least could tell her you feel bored and apathetic and no longer love her. Funny, you haven't mentioned at all if you love her, or ever did love her. As a person, not just for sex and financial stability as a unit. And again. You are not "roommate spouses" but the fact you want to paint yourself as such indicates you think it'll give you an easy thing to tell others when they wonder why you two divorced.

Put in some work first or at least talk to her rather than blindsiding her. She may be thinking that weekly sex is a good, steady thing, and she may actually think she still loves you. It is possible to love and be married to someone and not have a lot of activities or interests in common. She may have a very different perspective from yours on your marriage. Have. You. Asked?[/quote]

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