Anonymous wrote:Did anyone else read “The Apple Tree” by Daphne Dumaurier? This post reminds me of it.


https://fictionfanblog.wordpress.com/2014/03/04/tuesday-terror-the-apple-tree-by-daphne-du-maurier/

“The Apple Tree tells the tale of a recent (unnamed) widower, bereaved but not bereft. Frankly, he had found his wife Midge irritating for years. A self-appointed martyr, she had always managed to make him feel guilty about how little he did around the house and how hard she worked, though he always felt she took on tasks that could easily have been left undone or left for the daily maid. She had always taken the pessimistic view of any piece of news and for years he had felt she sucked the joy out of life. So he happily admits to himself, though not to the world, that her death from pneumonia was more of a relief than a loss. And suddenly he’s enjoying life again – until one day he looks out of his window and spots that one of his apple trees bears an uncanny resemblance to the hunched, drudging image of his late wife…

This is a fine example of what du Maurier does best – creating a chilling atmosphere just bordering on the supernatural but never clearly crossing that line. Although the story is told in the third person, we see it unfold through the widower’s eyes, giving it the effect of an ‘unreliable narrator’. If Midge was as the widower saw her, then his happiness at her death is understandable. But how much did he contribute to making her what she became? We catch glimpses of the young woman she once was, trying to please the husband she loved and having her enthusiasm stamped on by this man who clearly looked down on her. Is the widower to be pitied or condemned? And is the story one of a ghostly haunting or of self-inflicted psychological horror brought on by guilt?

As the seasons wear past, the tree affects the widower more and more – its blossom horribly overblown to his eyes, while seeming to be admired by others; its fruit disgusting to him while seeming fine to his daily maid; the smell of the wood from a fallen branch that he burns nauseating…choking. And in all its oversized ugliness, it hides the beauty of the little tree next to it – a tree that reminds the widower of a girl he once knew, perhaps a little too well. At last he decides to do what he has been putting off for too long – he will chop the tree down…”

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for your spouse because you’re not happy, thinking of leaving, and yet how much effort have you made? Have you done individual therapy to figure what’s your issue and put in effort to fix it? Had discussions with your spouse about what’s going on? Talked about ways to reconnect, find common interests, grow closer?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is it that you are fantasizing exists, OP? What else are you looking for in your relationship?

OP here. I’m looking for genuine connection, not a way to merely pass the time.

Anonymous wrote:What is it that you are fantasizing exists, OP? What else are you looking for in your relationship?

Anonymous wrote:… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone else read “The Apple Tree” by Daphne Dumaurier? This post reminds me of it.


https://fictionfanblog.wordpress.com/2014/03/04/tuesday-terror-the-apple-tree-by-daphne-du-maurier/

“The Apple Tree tells the tale of a recent (unnamed) widower, bereaved but not bereft. Frankly, he had found his wife Midge irritating for years. A self-appointed martyr, she had always managed to make him feel guilty about how little he did around the house and how hard she worked, though he always felt she took on tasks that could easily have been left undone or left for the daily maid. She had always taken the pessimistic view of any piece of news and for years he had felt she sucked the joy out of life. So he happily admits to himself, though not to the world, that her death from pneumonia was more of a relief than a loss. And suddenly he’s enjoying life again – until one day he looks out of his window and spots that one of his apple trees bears an uncanny resemblance to the hunched, drudging image of his late wife…

This is a fine example of what du Maurier does best – creating a chilling atmosphere just bordering on the supernatural but never clearly crossing that line. Although the story is told in the third person, we see it unfold through the widower’s eyes, giving it the effect of an ‘unreliable narrator’. If Midge was as the widower saw her, then his happiness at her death is understandable. But how much did he contribute to making her what she became? We catch glimpses of the young woman she once was, trying to please the husband she loved and having her enthusiasm stamped on by this man who clearly looked down on her. Is the widower to be pitied or condemned? And is the story one of a ghostly haunting or of self-inflicted psychological horror brought on by guilt?

As the seasons wear past, the tree affects the widower more and more – its blossom horribly overblown to his eyes, while seeming to be admired by others; its fruit disgusting to him while seeming fine to his daily maid; the smell of the wood from a fallen branch that he burns nauseating…choking. And in all its oversized ugliness, it hides the beauty of the little tree next to it – a tree that reminds the widower of a girl he once knew, perhaps a little too well. At last he decides to do what he has been putting off for too long – he will chop the tree down…”

Anonymous wrote:
Don't all marriages end up like this?

I am staying because:
1. Money. Separate homes are more expensive. Kids need college tuition. Retirement is less expensive as a couple.
2. Social life. Our circle is all married, with all more or less similar marriages. There is a lot of stability there, all the kids are happy and balanced. Divorce would be disruptive to our community of friends and families.
3. I don't really want to live by myself, and finding another partner and learning to live with a new person just sounds like a giant hassle!

Anonymous wrote:… doing so would not be overly burdensome on your economic situation and your kids are out of the house?

I can see reasons to stay together, like companionship, even better economics, family unity, etc., but we like to spend time differently and she constantly nags me to do stuff I don’t want to do. Basically, we have different life and social priorities. We’re both in our mid-50’s, and I’m unsure I want to live my golden years this way. If you’re wondering, we have sex about once a week or two.

In essence, the relationship is OK, but not stimulating or interesting and a bit annoying to me. I’m guessing a lot of relationships are like this, and I may be fantasizing about something that doesn’t really exist, but I’m curious to hear from others in a similar situation.

Anonymous wrote:I am facing this decision in 2 years when we become empty nesters. We want different things, live different places. Also, we are sexless.

But we are good friends and companions and financially successful. Do you throw it away? Not an easy decision. Only 47 years old