Reply to Boss told me that he rarely sees me interacting with my coworkers

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think "I don't want to talk about it" can't be where you leave something with a boss. You need to follow up.

It might be easier, for an emotionally laden issue, to send an email. Something like "I appreciate you bringing your concern to my attention. I'm actually very happy with this job. I'm enjoying X project, and it's been great to learn more about Y. Unfortunately, as you and some of my colleagues have noticed, I can be a bit anxious and withdrawn. I'm having some personal problems that I'm struggling with. I'd prefer not to go into more detail, however, I want you to know that I am working on the underlying issue, and am committed to not letting it impact my work. In the meantime, I have taken your feedback to heart, and I will try to engage more with my colleagues. Is there a particular project or task where you think collaborating more closely with the team would be beneficial?"

Then, you need to find some ways to interact with your team. It's important to your boss, so make it important for you. I would recommend forcing yourself to have one interaction with a colleague each day. Focus on the project(s) your boss says - that's a good starting point. Start small - "hey, do you know where the printer paper is?" "I like those shoes." "This coffee is great/terrible." Think about your colleagues - is there one that seems approachable, or at least the least intimidating? Start with them. Five minutes a day. You can do five minutes a day. If you can't do five minutes, you can do one minute. It'll feel crazy hard and stressful at first, but after a few weeks, you'll get in a groove, and it'll be fine. Really. They won't bite.

Once you're in a good groove with that, see if you can add in something bigger, maybe once a week. Bring in donuts for everyone. Ask someone to go with you to grab coffee. You can do this!![/quote]

+1 I think this is great advice. I agree it is not a good idea to leave something with “I don’t want to talk about it” to a superior. That might be okay with a co-worker, but it’s borderline insubordinate. That said, I really don’t understand why these bosses get all up in their employees’ attitudes as long as the employee is doing their work and not causing problems. But, this is how it is so you need to work with it.

I also agree with taking very small steps - this is hard work for you, I get it, but it may help a lot after you’ve taken some small steps. You may find you are building some confidence.

I think all a boss can expect is someone making an effort to make progress. If you get approached about this issue again, you can point out all the small steps you’ve taken.

Also, if your work has an employee assistance program, you may want to inquire about it, not only to help you, but to show your boss you are taking some action steps to address the issues s/he has raised.

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