Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think "I don't want to talk about it" can't be where you leave something with a boss. You need to follow up.

It might be easier, for an emotionally laden issue, to send an email. Something like "I appreciate you bringing your concern to my attention. I'm actually very happy with this job. I'm enjoying X project, and it's been great to learn more about Y. Unfortunately, as you and some of my colleagues have noticed, I can be a bit anxious and withdrawn. I'm having some personal problems that I'm struggling with. I'd prefer not to go into more detail, however, I want you to know that I am working on the underlying issue, and am committed to not letting it impact my work. In the meantime, I have taken your feedback to heart, and I will try to engage more with my colleagues. Is there a particular project or task where you think collaborating more closely with the team would be beneficial?"

Then, you need to find some ways to interact with your team. It's important to your boss, so make it important for you. I would recommend forcing yourself to have one interaction with a colleague each day. Focus on the project(s) your boss says - that's a good starting point. Start small - "hey, do you know where the printer paper is?" "I like those shoes." "This coffee is great/terrible." Think about your colleagues - is there one that seems approachable, or at least the least intimidating? Start with them. Five minutes a day. You can do five minutes a day. If you can't do five minutes, you can do one minute. It'll feel crazy hard and stressful at first, but after a few weeks, you'll get in a groove, and it'll be fine. Really. They won't bite.

Once you're in a good groove with that, see if you can add in something bigger, maybe once a week. Bring in donuts for everyone. Ask someone to go with you to grab coffee. You can do this!!

This is EXCELLENT guidance, OP! I hope that you take it. Also, I know that you're in therapy but it is possible that a life coach or mentor might help you with some of the social aspects of your work. Very much like the guidance above, sometimes it takes an outside person to help you come up with a plan that you can act on. Your therapist may be able to help you find the right person or make some suggestions. These are two very different aspects: the therapist his helping you with specific issues, and the life coach is helping you manage relationships with collagues*.

Anonymous wrote:I think "I don't want to talk about it" can't be where you leave something with a boss. You need to follow up.

It might be easier, for an emotionally laden issue, to send an email. Something like "I appreciate you bringing your concern to my attention. I'm actually very happy with this job. I'm enjoying X project, and it's been great to learn more about Y. Unfortunately, as you and some of my colleagues have noticed, I can be a bit anxious and withdrawn. I'm having some personal problems that I'm struggling with. I'd prefer not to go into more detail, however, I want you to know that I am working on the underlying issue, and am committed to not letting it impact my work. In the meantime, I have taken your feedback to heart, and I will try to engage more with my colleagues. Is there a particular project or task where you think collaborating more closely with the team would be beneficial?"

Then, you need to find some ways to interact with your team. It's important to your boss, so make it important for you. I would recommend forcing yourself to have one interaction with a colleague each day. Focus on the project(s) your boss says - that's a good starting point. Start small - "hey, do you know where the printer paper is?" "I like those shoes." "This coffee is great/terrible." Think about your colleagues - is there one that seems approachable, or at least the least intimidating? Start with them. Five minutes a day. You can do five minutes a day. If you can't do five minutes, you can do one minute. It'll feel crazy hard and stressful at first, but after a few weeks, you'll get in a groove, and it'll be fine. Really. They won't bite.

Once you're in a good groove with that, see if you can add in something bigger, maybe once a week. Bring in donuts for everyone. Ask someone to go with you to grab coffee. You can do this!!

Anonymous wrote:Find a WFH job OP - it automatically requires 60% less interactions with colleagues on a day to day basis. Mine’s dropped 90% simply because I don’t have to smile and chit-chat when Susie walks behind my cubicle for her third cup of coffee.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give me some examples where your interactions with coworkers would demonstrate that you are very anxious? I honestly don't know what that would look like. I mean this sincerely. If I asked you "How is Project X going?" or "Hey, did you see there are brownies in the lunch room?" how would you reply?

I’ll answer your questions like this:

1) My project is going fine, just has some issues in x, y, but overall I’m doing ok

2) No, I didn’t see any.

My interactions demonstrate I’m very anxious in the sense that I never make jokes, engage in banter, small talk, etc. I don’t speak about my interests, personal life, hobbies, where I went on weekend, etc, whilst they openly discuss these things with each other. My interactions with my coworkers is strictly work related matters. I don’t initiate any conversations either. I feel uncomfortable eating in front of them. I’m very passive and don’t have a voice. I usually assist them with their tasks, for example like bringing printed papers, stapling them, etc. I frequently seem on edge, my face becomes red, tense, voice so low, etc. I don’t open up easily and keep to myself. I guess a few colleagues picked up on this hence them telling my boss I’m very anxious.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know that most of you mean well. But my boss didn’t ‘gossip’ about me to my coworkers. I think my senior supervisor picked up on my anxiety early on and then mentioned it to my boss. Also, my coworkers have probably sensed that as well. The meeting with my boss didn’t sound judgmental, it was to ask about why I’m not being part of a team.

So for example, I don’t eat in lunch area, eat on my desk. They don’t see me grabbing lunch with other coworkers, laughing, joking, etc during lunchtime. When I was in my interview I remember him saying that their team is incredibly close and they’re like a big family. So it does make sense when my boss, supervisor or coworkers see my lack of social interaction in the workplace. He told me that we have no idea on who you are and what you’re like because we don’t see you interacting with others or being part of a team. He said he wants to see me from now on interacting with others for like an hour a day with my coworkers and work with them instead of being by myself.

The thing is I can’t get myself to do it. It’s too much for me at the moment. I just want to be left alone and do my own thing. I know it’s not ideal but at least I’m not causing problems and getting my work done. I understand that my boss’s request is reasonable and I should be more hands on and engage with others, but I can’t do it at this point in time. I might get the courage to do it after a few months, but at the same time I am afraid I’ll get fired? Can my refusal to be part of a team cause me to get fired? If my boss sees me next week still alone and not being with other coworkers what do I do or tell him?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know that most of you mean well. But my boss didn’t ‘gossip’ about me to my coworkers. I think my senior supervisor picked up on my anxiety early on and then mentioned it to my boss. Also, my coworkers have probably sensed that as well. The meeting with my boss didn’t sound judgmental, it was to ask about why I’m not being part of a team.

So for example, I don’t eat in lunch area, eat on my desk. They don’t see me grabbing lunch with other coworkers, laughing, joking, etc during lunchtime. When I was in my interview I remember him saying that their team is incredibly close and they’re like a big family. So it does make sense when my boss, supervisor or coworkers see my lack of social interaction in the workplace. He told me that we have no idea on who you are and what you’re like because we don’t see you interacting with others or being part of a team. He said he wants to see me from now on interacting with others for like an hour a day with my coworkers and work with them instead of being by myself.

The thing is I can’t get myself to do it. It’s too much for me at the moment. I just want to be left alone and do my own thing. I know it’s not ideal but at least I’m not causing problems and getting my work done. I understand that my boss’s request is reasonable and I should be more hands on and engage with others, but I can’t do it at this point in time. I might get the courage to do it after a few months, but at the same time I am afraid I’ll get fired? Can my refusal to be part of a team cause me to get fired? If my boss sees me next week still alone and not being with other coworkers what do I do or tell him?

Anonymous wrote:I think "I don't want to talk about it" can't be where you leave something with a boss. You need to follow up.

It might be easier, for an emotionally laden issue, to send an email. Something like "I appreciate you bringing your concern to my attention. I'm actually very happy with this job. I'm enjoying X project, and it's been great to learn more about Y. Unfortunately, as you and some of my colleagues have noticed, I can be a bit anxious and withdrawn. I'm having some personal problems that I'm struggling with. I'd prefer not to go into more detail, however, I want you to know that I am working on the underlying issue, and am committed to not letting it impact my work. In the meantime, I have taken your feedback to heart, and I will try to engage more with my colleagues. Is there a particular project or task where you think collaborating more closely with the team would be beneficial?"

Then, you need to find some ways to interact with your team. It's important to your boss, so make it important for you. I would recommend forcing yourself to have one interaction with a colleague each day. Focus on the project(s) your boss says - that's a good starting point. Start small - "hey, do you know where the printer paper is?" "I like those shoes." "This coffee is great/terrible." Think about your colleagues - is there one that seems approachable, or at least the least intimidating? Start with them. Five minutes a day. You can do five minutes a day. If you can't do five minutes, you can do one minute. It'll feel crazy hard and stressful at first, but after a few weeks, you'll get in a groove, and it'll be fine. Really. They won't bite.

Once you're in a good groove with that, see if you can add in something bigger, maybe once a week. Bring in donuts for everyone. Ask someone to go with you to grab coffee. You can do this!!

Anonymous wrote:Love that he created an even more anxious situation by gossiping about you to coworkers and then telling you about it. That's pretty unprofessional.


Girl, just do your job. These people don't matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give me some examples where your interactions with coworkers would demonstrate that you are very anxious? I honestly don't know what that would look like. I mean this sincerely. If I asked you "How is Project X going?" or "Hey, did you see there are brownies in the lunch room?" how would you reply?

I’ll answer your questions like this:

1) My project is going fine, just has some issues in x, y, but overall I’m doing ok

2) No, I didn’t see any.

My interactions demonstrate I’m very anxious in the sense that I never make jokes, engage in banter, small talk, etc. I don’t speak about my interests, personal life, hobbies, where I went on weekend, etc, whilst they openly discuss these things with each other. My interactions with my coworkers is strictly work related matters. I don’t initiate any conversations either. I feel uncomfortable eating in front of them. I’m very passive and don’t have a voice. I usually assist them with their tasks, for example like bringing printed papers, stapling them, etc. I frequently seem on edge, my face becomes red, tense, voice so low, etc. I don’t open up easily and keep to myself. I guess a few colleagues picked up on this hence them telling my boss I’m very anxious.

Have you considered this is the wrong work environment for you?

I don’t consider it the wrong environment. I stated previously that it ticks my boxes. The issue is not the workplace but rather my anxiety that affects me and my interactions with others. I keep blaming it on my personal life and the struggles that I’ve encountered because it’s just spilled onto my work life. Also, if I am ‘very anxious’ as described, would I be looked down upon and thought of poorly? Does that mean that my boss and coworkers are better of without me? Am I a hindrance to my team and a burden?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give me some examples where your interactions with coworkers would demonstrate that you are very anxious? I honestly don't know what that would look like. I mean this sincerely. If I asked you "How is Project X going?" or "Hey, did you see there are brownies in the lunch room?" how would you reply?

I’ll answer your questions like this:

1) My project is going fine, just has some issues in x, y, but overall I’m doing ok

2) No, I didn’t see any.

My interactions demonstrate I’m very anxious in the sense that I never make jokes, engage in banter, small talk, etc. I don’t speak about my interests, personal life, hobbies, where I went on weekend, etc, whilst they openly discuss these things with each other. My interactions with my coworkers is strictly work related matters. I don’t initiate any conversations either. I feel uncomfortable eating in front of them. I’m very passive and don’t have a voice. I usually assist them with their tasks, for example like bringing printed papers, stapling them, etc. I frequently seem on edge, my face becomes red, tense, voice so low, etc. I don’t open up easily and keep to myself. I guess a few colleagues picked up on this hence them telling my boss I’m very anxious.

Have you considered this is the wrong work environment for you?

I don’t consider it the wrong environment. I stated previously that it ticks my boxes. The issue is not the workplace but rather my anxiety that affects me and my interactions with others. I keep blaming it on my personal life and the struggles that I’ve encountered because it’s just spilled onto my work life. Also, if I am ‘very anxious’ as described, would I be looked down upon and thought of poorly? Does that mean that my boss and coworkers are better of without me? Am I a hindrance to my team and a burden?