Reply to How to diffuse defensiveness

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a man I will say my wife does this and it irritates me as well. But I also know objectively she is doing nothing wrong. She is trying to be helpful and supportive and it's my perception of it. Sometimes I feel it's controlling or that it's criticizing me in some way and truthfully sometimes it is (controlling and critical) and sometimes it isn't. [b]But what really irritates me is that I continue to express a dislike for it and she continues to do it. It's as if she ignores my wishes simply to assert her own. [/b]That is why I feel it's controlling and why it irritates me. But for the record, you are almost certainly doing nothing wrong.  [/quote]

This. If he doesn’t want help, stop offering it. It’s obnoxious. [/quote]

It's only obnoxious to a thin-skinned person. If you're confident that you're a good human trying your hardest, and someone offers to take a task off your hands, you either say, "Oh thanks honey, but it's really no problem; I'll call the lawn guys," or you say, "You know what? I am really busy and a little stressed out. That would be nice; thanks."

If you can't assume good intent when your spouse does something innocuous like offer to do something helpful, and then you expect your partner to assume that YOU have good intent when you yell at them for triggering you, then you are at best immature and unkind, and at worst emotionally abusive.[/quote]

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