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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Thank you all for such words of wisdom. It brought tears to my eyes. This is my first experience caring for a parent. My dad died suddenly from covid 18 months ago. 
My brother demanded a meeting with a social worker he hired.  The social worker completely sided with me. My brother left the meeting angry muttering under his breath. My mother wants my brother and I to make amends but it’s been impossible because he continues to question her cost of care. He’s obsessed with HER MONEY. He’s not married, has no children and is financially comfortable. 
I’ve talked to my mom over and over how she can afford the best care with the money my father and her saved. Sometimes she’ll say, “but I won’t have anything left to leave to my children”.  Ugh I want to pull my hair out!  My brother and I only grow further apart and I don’t see us ever making amends.  [/quote]

Are you a mother? I can understand her POV. My children are everything to me, I would gladly go without if it meant more for them. And it would break my heart if my kids were estranged, especially if it was over me.

Can you detach with love? You don’t need to be best friends with your brother, but try to have some sort of relationship, even if it’s just cordial. Separate his actions from the fact that he’s your brother. [/quote]

Yes, I am a mother but by the time you’re in a “home” and your children are in their 60s, I would hope they wouldn’t need your money. To me, that’s pretty pathetic. I’ve made friends with children of residents at my mom's AL and apparently, I’m not alone.  Siblings fighting over money and the cost of care. The best part is not one of these children is flipping the bill. It’s all coming from the parent's estate. [/quote]

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