Reply to How do I shut down toxic positivity from friends in a nice way?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP - I really hear you. Not that this is totally the same, but my mother and I were recently talking about my sister's baby, who has a degenerative disease that is going to kill her.

My sister told me how much it bothers her when people tell her they believe there'll be a miracle for this baby. I feel like she does - I don't find it comforting at all to think in terms of miracles. Like you, when faced with a really hard situation I prefer to keep my mind on what is likely and realistic. It's not that I can't abide hope, it's that I don't find hope to be helpful.

My mother looked shocked. She said she needs to believe there may be a miracle. She needs to hold onto hope. Your friend may just be a person like my mother, whose brain has to cling onto hope like that - and I think people whose brains are like that really don't understand people whose brains are more like ours. I think they think they can talk is into it.

I would approach my friend with empathy and straightforwardness. Maybe just say, "I love you for thinking these hopeful things. But to me, they are causing me more stress. I know this is going to sound counter-intuitive to you, but I really need you to not tell me that everything is going to be great. You can think it, but please don't say it."

I would probably soften it up a lot when having the conversation - I am a people pleaser - but I think if you're going to stay friends with this person and not eventually blow up at them, you need to have this conversation.

Good luck with what's ahead! [/quote]

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