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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband works a lot and about once a month my MIL comes and gives me a “break”. This is going to sound horribly ungrateful, and I don’t mean it to. Please bear with me! Honestly, these “breaks” cause me more stress than if I just had my kids here and occupied them with a movie and junk food.

This is how it goes. She will ask me if she can get them around noon. I say fine. The day comes and she will text and ask if 1230 is ok. Fine. Then five minutes before 1230, some emergency will happen and she will push it back to 2…no clue how she has so many predictable and convenient “emergencies” but anyway…2 comes and she will say she’s now in her car and headed over. So what was 12 is now 230. Every single time. Sometimes it is even later, or earlier, but never on time and I never know when she will roll in. And before you suggest I drive them to her, not only does it defeat the purpose of these “breaks”, but the same thing happens, she will keep calling to tell me she’s not ready.

And she will complain to my husband if too long goes between these visits! I oblige her because DH works so much and I SAH right now. But my stress levels are through the roof leading up to and especially on the day of. I want the breaks, I do, but not at the cost of my sanity. I’d just as easily put on a movie and give them chocolates for two hours to get things done.

Please help me. How can I overcome this mentally or is it ok to say no more?[/quote]

You graciously accept her offer for noon but let her know you have to leave by 12:45 at the latest for an appointment. When she calls to say she'll be late you cheerfully thank her and say you'll just take the kids with you. [/quote]

THIS - every single time[/quote]

Exactly this. When she sees that she has to be close to on time, she'll do better or she'll step back a little. Other options would be to take the kids out when she doesn't arrive by a certain time and offer to drop them off to her whenever you finish your activity/errand and her emergency is over, or to have an absolute end time for their visit, so when she tries rolling in at 2:30 or 3, it's too late for it to make sense for her to take them. When the kids are old enough to notice, they can call her out on being late and missing out on spending the day with them, but if you try to get the kids to call her out on it rather than letting it happen naturally, it will feel contrived and you'll look like a jerk. But when they do notice and call her out on it, and they likely will at some point, she might care enough to do better by them.

If she has ADHD and everyone enables her tardiness, it might be really hard to change. It's not impossible though, and she might not ever be perfect. But she can definitely do better. [/quote]

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