Reply to Why are people here so averse to pushing their kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because my kids were not receptive to "pushing" and it backfired.  Maybe your kids will practice the instrument but, mine didn't when they didn't want to play anymore.  It was a huge waste of time and money.  So that's one reason.  Second I realized that my kids are not mini-mes and should have autonomy to chose what they want to do.  And I want a relationship with them when they are older.[/quote]

OP here. My kid was originally not receptive to pushing, but with appropriate punishments for not responding to my pushing (ie: taking away phone privileges, not letting them take Driver's Ed, not letting them meet up with friends on weekends, and the occasionally yelling and fighting), they became receptive. And, IME, so will 99% of kids (barring a learning disorder). Kids WILL have to be receptive if their social life is on the line. [/quote]

So… you’re not actually teaching them to push themselves for their own happiness and self-ambition, you’re just forcing them to. I knew kids like this in college and they tanked playing video games all day because mommy and daddy weren’t always on their butt about doing homework, pushing them all the time. This also breeds a lot of resentment towards parents.

The key is moderation. Some pushing is good. It sounds like you’re doing a very large amount of pushing. [/quote]
I agree.  Nothing about any of this is developing internal motivation, which is what you need to be successful, however you define that, as an adult.  Pushing kids from time to time because they, like everyone, sometimes needs a nudge (or a kick in the butt) or some help figuring out how to study/practice/stick with something even when they aren't improving right away, is one thing.  Constantly riding them to always work, work, work, and push themselves regardless of their own interests, is another.  I knew kids like this, too.  They either became total slackers in college, falling apart because no one was structuring their lives this way, or they internalized the idea that their parents only loved and approved of them if they always succeeded at the hardest thing, and struggled with anxiety.  They pushed themselves all the time, but got no satisfaction from it, and sometimes just burned out spectacularly.  Either way, they tended not to have great relationships with their parents.  [/quote]

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