Reply to OP from an earlier thread back with an update.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Voice of dissent here. My experience on these threads is that there are a lot of divorced people who want other people to get divorced to affirm their life choice and to validate themselves and to address the social isolation and stigma they likely feel in real life by building a virtual community of other people who are and support for virtually any circumstance.

I found your first post interesting. Your husband is asking your permission to use weed, and you are trying to put all sorts of parameters on his usage, how often, when, dosage, etc. It seems to me, that you are very controlling and so perhaps this secret usage is a way to avoid you controlling his recreational drug use.

I’m sorry, but leaving the baby on a car seat - outside - so he can smoke a joint, to me, is not a divorcable event. It isn’t the best idea and smacks of immaturity but he’s an adult, weed is legal in many areas, and frankly, a ton of men smoke pot. In my upper crust Bethesda neighborhood, I know of at least a half dozen married fathers who occasionally get together after the kids go down for bed and hang out in the yard and smoke pot. None of the wives are in the hysterics you are. Was he blowing the smoke in the baby’s face? Probably not. Was the baby safe and being observed. Probably. Was he far enough away for baby to avoid second hand? Probably. Your utter hysteria, to me, is the problem. It sounds like you have created a very materialistic relationship with your partner where you are controlling and angry, he feels controlled by you and rebels by withdrawing and getting angry, hiding things, getting more depressed, and doing less around the home which fuels your anger and resentment and you try to put greater control on him. Vicious cycle.

What the two of you need - in the thick of difficult years parenting - is couples counseling. This is not a divorcable event, sorry. When you made wedding vows you promised to stick by each other in better and worse times. This is a worse time. To not even try to save your marriage with a 4 month old, is a decision you will later retreat, because these little kids will grow up and constantly wonder why you got divorced and if they caused it. You should at least, at the end of the day, be able to tell them that you did everything you could to save the marriage. And I’m sorry, but you have not done that. [/quote]

OP. The problem is not the weed use. It is that it interferes with our lives. He stays up all night getting high, then sleeps in all morning so I am on childcare duty solo. He gets lazy and uses it as an excuse to not help out with cooking, cleaning, etc. He sneaks off in the middle of the day under the guise of errands so he can smoke. If this were alcohol, it would rightly be seen as problematic. Even if I was a controlling wife who disapproved of her husband’s drinking, if he was sneaking off in the middle of the day to drink or so hungover the next day he couldn’t function, it would be seen as an addiction.

Regardless, it is not working for me. I can not take care of my kids (including an infant), our dogs, work, and deal with this problem. I am literally doing everything despite me crying, begging, and pleading for his help. That enough is reason for me to separate.

Also, our baby has pre-existing conditions that make second hand smoke very dangerous. She was born prematurely and had COVID, and has had long term respiratory problems as a result. Adding in any sort of second or third hand smoke is hugely dangerous, he knows this. [/quote]

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