Reply to Shy teen struggling socially

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Shy teen struggling socially"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, this makes more sense now, OP.

Dance at this level is tough. She’s pursuing an art form which creates beauty by having bodies express emotion by doing almost physically impossible things. It’s not the most relatable experience for most people.

[b]Your DD feels she is shy and probably hopes will somehow see through that- but her peers at school probably see her as beautiful (your words) and consumed by dance (which she is). Her posture, bearing, and probably even how she spends her time- rushing to finish homework during free periods to have time for dance? never have enough time for a school activity?- probably amplify that. [/b]

Unfortunately, in a school environment those things inaccurately come across as snobby and aloof! It will be hard to unwind that.

Outward Bound is a brilliant idea. It will force her to define herself in a non-dance context and I would bet she comes out of it with a broader perception of who she is, which can only lead to more confidence and more ways to connect with people in and out of dance. Hopefully that will help her understand what her priorities are and either she will accept the impact of dance on the rest of her life as a worthwhile sacrifice, or she’ll decide to pursue it in a form that allows other parts of her life to breathe a bit, too. Her school is only going to tell her that an all-out sacrifice for dance is the only acceptable answer and anyone who doesn’t do so is less-than. Your job is to make sure she knows anything she does is valid and good.[/quote]

I think this is spot on. I have a similar DD with an intensive, time-consuming sport (not dance). She is in a small school where she's been for years, so it's not exactly the same as OP, but she still struggles socially sometimes. She's also an introvert by nature. I've told her if she wants to be more social, have more friends, she has to put herself out there. I'm sure the girls at her school have no idea she wants to be more social with them because they think she's too busy, has lots of friends outside of school from her sport, etc. Plus, being very pretty can be intimidating to other girls without a doubt. [/quote]

OP here. Wow, this is all so true. To the letter. Looking back, I was exactly the same way at her age. Also a dancer but I quit in high school because it was too demanding. It took me years to figure out how intimidating good posture and a non-nonesense carriage can have on others. Learning to smile and overcome my shyness helped a lot. I also learned that I had to approach others because they wouldn’t approach me. Masks have been terrible for DD because they reinforce that barrier. But hopefully all will change in time.

Thanks so much for all the wonderful observations and ideas.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics