Reply to Why is loneliness in middle age a taboo?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think loneliness is taboo - I think it’s very common. Look at all the threads about moms feeling left out with school or neighbor groups. All the threads asking how to make friends.

I think what is taboo is saying it out loud. If a friend told me they are lonely I would feel like they are saying “you don’t spend enough time with me” or “you are not a good friend, you aren’t enough”. If it was an acquaintance, I would feel like you were hinting at wanting a closer relationship. Maybe if I wanted the same, that would be good, but often if I wanted a closer relationship I would have worked on making that happen. [/quote]

Well not to get into semantics, but if people aren't supposed to say something out loud, that's the definition of "taboo." That's why sex and homosexuality were taboo for so long -- it's not that people weren't doing it, it's that you weren't supposed to talk about it. Mental health is the same -- people have had mental health issues forever, but only recently has it become okay to say it out loud.

But I do think you are right that people tend to personalize these things, and you are spot on that many people would interpret "I feel lonely" as "you're a bad friend for not hanging out with me more." I've experienced that before and that's exactly what it is.

This is one reason people go to therapy, because so many people are bad at simply listening to a friend without judgment. It's such a rare quality. [/quote]

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