Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 50s are probably a hard spot for this. Many women your age are still in the middle of raising kids and are squeezed for time and energy. In a few years, many more people your age will be empty nesters and have a bit more time for hobbies, getting together, etc.

This is me but I'm looking for friends. The problem is that most people have already found their tribe and I feel like the assumption is that if you haven't by this point then there is a problem with you. In my case, I am a bit awkward and don't always have the best social skills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 50s, I have a lovely and supportive husband and a great job. Our house is mortgage-free. We're both in good health. We have savings and investments. We have a second home. We go on vacations, etc.

What is there to be sad about?

Well, I feel lonely and it's bringing me down.

I find it really hard to form close friendships with other women. It's not that I haven't tried, but clearly it's not working. I have a lot of friendly, casual acquaintances but no close friends. No one to call and have a chat with, or meet for coffee.
I don't know what to do about it.

It's bizarre as my job is very people oriented and involves face to face contact with clients all the time. I'm not timid.

When I mention to people that I feel lonely they look at me as if I'm an alien. It's not a topic that people feel comfortable with.

One thing that sets us apart from many other couples is the fact we are childfree, but I don't know if this plays a role.

Any thoughts?

You sound depressed. See your doctor and ask about an anti-depressant. I am not a pill pusher but I had early menopause and my doc prescribed a mild anti depressant and it worked wonders. I only took it for six months.

Anonymous wrote:I will be 50 tomorrow (mother of six and grandmother of six), and I am really excited about my life. I am loving every minute of it. To be Free, alive, loved, and to have managed to not accidentally blow myself up while doing some wild stunt in half a century.... that's definitely worth celebrating. The OP should find happiness inside. Learn to be a content person alone.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 50s, I have a lovely and supportive husband and a great job. Our house is mortgage-free. We're both in good health. We have savings and investments. We have a second home. We go on vacations, etc.

What is there to be sad about?

Well, I feel lonely and it's bringing me down.

I find it really hard to form close friendships with other women. It's not that I haven't tried, but clearly it's not working. I have a lot of friendly, casual acquaintances but no close friends. No one to call and have a chat with, or meet for coffee.
I don't know what to do about it.

It's bizarre as my job is very people oriented and involves face to face contact with clients all the time. I'm not timid.

When I mention to people that I feel lonely they look at me as if I'm an alien. It's not a topic that people feel comfortable with.

One thing that sets us apart from many other couples is the fact we are childfree, but I don't know if this plays a role.

Any thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is quite common. I don’t think it’s a taboo topic, but I agree with others who’ve said it’s something discussed mostly among close friends. Movies, books, and TV make it look like most women have these incredibly close-knit groups of friends, so no one wants to admit otherwise.

So while I don’t think it’s taboo, I do think it’s uncomfortable for acquaintances to hear, and they may be worried they don’t have the emotional energy to meet your needs.

Is it just that you want people to meet for coffee or go to the day spa with? Or are you looking for a tell-everything-to best friend?

Hi, it's OP here. To answer your questions, I would love to have a couple of female friends to meet for coffee, go to the day spa with, go to a museum or art gallery, maybe go hiking or cycling ... (doesn't have to be one and the same person).
And then maybe a 'friend' can evolve into a 'best' friend.

I admit that I miss having a best friend. I always had a best friend throughout my childhood and teenage years. At college I had a bunch of friends. Once I started working I had friendly co-workers, but no close friends or best friend.

I am friendly with 5 or 6 ladies in my local community and, although we get together for dinner with our husbands 2 or 3 times a year, we don't click enough to become close friends or do fun things together.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think loneliness is taboo - I think it’s very common. Look at all the threads about moms feeling left out with school or neighbor groups. All the threads asking how to make friends.

I think what is taboo is saying it out loud. If a friend told me they are lonely I would feel like they are saying “you don’t spend enough time with me” or “you are not a good friend, you aren’t enough”. If it was an acquaintance, I would feel like you were hinting at wanting a closer relationship. Maybe if I wanted the same, that would be good, but often if I wanted a closer relationship I would have worked on making that happen.

Anonymous wrote:I think what is taboo is saying it out loud. If a friend told me they are lonely I would feel like they are saying “you don’t spend enough time with me” or “you are not a good friend, you aren’t enough”. If it was an acquaintance, I would feel like you were hinting at wanting a closer relationship. Maybe if I wanted the same, that would be good, but often if I wanted a closer relationship I would have worked on making that happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is quite common. I don’t think it’s a taboo topic, but I agree with others who’ve said it’s something discussed mostly among close friends. Movies, books, and TV make it look like most women have these incredibly close-knit groups of friends, so no one wants to admit otherwise.

So while I don’t think it’s taboo, I do think it’s uncomfortable for acquaintances to hear, and they may be worried they don’t have the emotional energy to meet your needs.

Is it just that you want people to meet for coffee or go to the day spa with? Or are you looking for a tell-everything-to best friend?

Hi, it's OP here. To answer your questions, I would love to have a couple of female friends to meet for coffee, go to the day spa with, go to a museum or art gallery, maybe go hiking or cycling ... (doesn't have to be one and the same person).
And then maybe a 'friend' can evolve into a 'best' friend.

I admit that I miss having a best friend. I always had a best friend throughout my childhood and teenage years. At college I had a bunch of friends. Once I started working I had friendly co-workers, but no close friends or best friend.

I am friendly with 5 or 6 ladies in my local community and, although we get together for dinner with our husbands 2 or 3 times a year, we don't click enough to become close friends or do fun things together.

Anonymous wrote:I think this is quite common. I don’t think it’s a taboo topic, but I agree with others who’ve said it’s something discussed mostly among close friends. Movies, books, and TV make it look like most women have these incredibly close-knit groups of friends, so no one wants to admit otherwise.

So while I don’t think it’s taboo, I do think it’s uncomfortable for acquaintances to hear, and they may be worried they don’t have the emotional energy to meet your needs.

Is it just that you want people to meet for coffee or go to the day spa with? Or are you looking for a tell-everything-to best friend?