Reply to Requests for gift ideas making me nuts

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP if this seems like a burden to you, you might be stretched too thin. Nobody has a perfect family. A well-meaning, perhaps bored aunt who sends too many gift texts is not high on the list of problems that come with being in a family. This should be mildly annoying but very manageable. If it feels like you can’t deal, you may be too busy. [/quote]

Said somebody who does not understand the way dysfunctional people operate. Most likely the aunts behavior is a SYMPTOM of a whole lot of crazy. If you understand how dysfunction works you understand the little thing is often just another example a large gaping issue like the person is....controlling or manipulative or dramatic and for whatever reason it's the annoying barrage of texts that sends us into frustration when really it's a sign of a person who is just a jerk.[b] Gifts are the PERFECT way to let out one's crazy and be passive aggressive, because it's a giiiiiiift, everyone should be gracious and kind about gifts? How could someone who gives gifts be anything but generous?[/b][/quote]

This is my MIL. She is controlling and passive aggressive about everything. She will not ever get a person the specific thing they want. She must find a thing that is of her choosing and BETTER (according to her) than what the recipient wants. But her version of better is always something awful from JC Penney. Example - she harasses me about getting me a sweater. I send options from Target, J Crew Factory etc (so nothing expensive). I receive a sweater from JC Penney. Recent example: I sent this link - https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/sweaters/pullovers/cable-crewneck-sweater/BG834?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=chrome-green&colorProductCode=BG834

and received this item - https://www.jcpenney.com/p/alfred-dunner-peachy-keen-womens-round-neck-embellished-3-4-sleeve-striped-pullover-sweater/ppr5008137980?pTmplType=regular&deptId=dept20000013&catId=cat100210006&urlState=%2Fg%2Fwomen%2Ftops%3Fitem_type%3Dpullover%2Bsweaters%26id%3Dcat100210006&page=2&productGridView=medium&badge=petite

She told me that she wanted to get me something more exciting. Straight to the donate pile. When I don't wear the hideous items she gifts to me, there are lots of sad faces and moping around about how no one appreciates how much she cares about everyone.[/quote]

Yuo. It is no longer a gift. It's just an opportunity to be a jerk, but nobody can complain because what kind of awful person complains about a gift? We have a relative who knows everyone donates her gifts so she even says "If you don't like, give it to Larla. She appreciates everything." Uh no, Larla does not want it. Larla has told you to STAHP giving her things and now you are trying to force strange interactions where we go to Larla who then tells us to keep the crap.

I think we really as a society need to reevaluate what is truly "gift giving. True kindness and compassion re gifts. If you must give material stuff at least don't give landfill clutter. Also, is it a gift if children working crazy hours for almost no pay slaved away to make it? People will love you if you are a good person. The gift is not going to make a family decide if they like or not, unless if you continuously use gifts to be a manipulative nut.[/quote]

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