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[quote=Anonymous]It's your husband that has the control most likely here. He needs to step up, ask to qualify gifts at 18 to college tuition and board, maybe fun money until they graduate college and or grad school, start a business, etc., otherwise, they will not bother to continue to strive for anything- college or whatever. Frankly, I wouldn't have at 18, either.  They will not have the tools to utilize this money for any good use, to invest well, to develop any kind of work ethic. He can ask his parents not to ruin his kid's lives. Another gift can then  be bestowed at 30, then at 40, etc. It can go to a house or wahtever.  That would be generous and make sense. At 18? A recipe for disaster which, yes, may very well contribute to the end of their lives especially if they end up doing something with the money that involves drugs or gambling.  We don't know their personalities, but I have not met many 18 years olds, even very mature ones, that would be able to employ a free ride in life at the get go. This is a time when they are determining who they are, what they want and why, and with whom. These years set the template for their entire lives- even the mistakes and missteps are valuable. Having everything they need without ever acquiring it themselves is not love. They will be actually undoing your inlaws legacy of how THEY became successful. It will end here..even if your kids are terrific. They can be the beneficiaries of other things, maybe [?] that other people don't get- cars, even a condo perhaps, but not ready income without life first. You are not wrong here...get your husband on board.

The parents are very angry at the both of you and they think they can circumvent your parenting with this gift, which leaves you out- right when you could use this money. I am curious about that. This says a lot about these people. People use money to manipulate and are very narcissistic. They did a lot of HW to see how to stick to you both and will instead be harming these kids. Sympathies, OP.  Maybe try to negotiate a truce for things they can do now that you have declined- camp fees, clothes, things they want to buy the kids as a way to prevent this later just to assauge them. Yes, it is first world problem, but it will end up being a deadly problem later. [/quote]

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