Reply to S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?

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Reply to "S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do I count?  I've always wanted sex less than my spouse even when we were dating. I'm talking he's interested daily, I'm interested 3-4 times a week. We had two kids in 3 years and he pretty much did no parenting and wasn't particularly kind or understanding to how exhausted and drained I was. He didn't believe me either when I said it still hurt for a few months after the birth or that even a year plus later nursing affected my libido. Even when he felt like I was withholding, it's because we were doing it 1-2 a week instead of nightly like he wanted.

Anyway, do I count as a withholding spouse?  How much of withholding is which spouse's fault?  I just think we need to be careful about saying to a spouse "you are signing your partner up for a lifetime of no sex and unless you let him/her sleep around you are a selfish horrible person." In many cases, I would suggest that the person who needs more sex is partly responsible for changing his/her behavior too. [/quote]

WS here. I feel very similar thoughts. My partner lost interest because sex for me was uncomfortable, painful after the birth of our 1st child and for the duration of my nursing. It was very hard to please him (and me) during that time. Fast forward to the present, he is no longer interested in me at all, but admits to being turned on by other women. By the way, I look great. No baby weight here. We haven't had sex in 6 months. So, while I feel bad as the WS, what now? Regardless of fault, how do I get our relationship on track? As the WS, how much control do I have to help create change? I feel vulnerable and powerless right now.[/quote]

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