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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You will be angry, at what could have been. You will relive your trauma, you will feel sad that you cannot love your mother the way mothers deserve to be loved, and you will feel sad that you were not loved the way you deserved to be. You will feel relief, and then you will feel shame at feeling that relief. Mostly you  will feel puzzled and distraught at how your mother became this person, and you will worry that you could have - should have- intervened or confronted her — in a fantasy that you could have fixed this. But you will be okay and you will find a way to honor what was best of her and bury the rest. [/quote]

Thank you for this. My mother has numerous health problems, hoarding issues, etc and isn't happy that she's in an assisted living facility now (after years of fighting it). We've had a declining relationship for the last 20 years, and now as the only child I'm left holding the bag for all of her care and finances, and she seems to derive pleasure from turning over all her long-neglected responsibilities to me. I've found myself facing OP's question a lot lately and thinking that it would be best for her to pass quickly of a heart attack (not out of the realm of possibility for her) than have to carry on like this. Selfishly, I also don't want to manage her life anymore and resent being in this position. I imagine the quote above will resonate whenever the time comes. [/quote]

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