Reply to How to not be jealous of women who married rich?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I know the feeling. I make 120 and DH makes 350 but my best friend from college is a SAHM mom and is married to a man with close to 7 figure income. Makes me feel envious when I imagine how much more time I'd have with my kids if I didn't need to work.[/quote]

You have to also count on whether the breadwinner spouse gets resentful and unhappy or thrives on being able to provide for the family and wants a s SAH spouse.  Not every breadwinner loves being one and this creates tensions and disrespect and other issues in the family.  It certainly takes stress off your husband knowing that in case his career goes down or he is unable to work, the family will still get some income and maybe health insurance through you.  This fact that you could still support your family (even though you make a lot less) or at least won't lose ALL of the income while he is looking for another job should make you feel better.  Think about women who are lifetime SAHMs and cannot easily jump into the jobs that can pay most of the bills and who have to drastically downsize and do entry level jobs in middle age. [/quote]

100%. I have friends in this dynamic. He has a job that basically requires a SAHM if they have kids (which they do). But he also doesn't love the pressure of being the sole earner because it makes a stressful job even more stressful -- every time a client is throwing a fit or a deal goes sideways, he has this feeling like "oh god, I can't lose this job, the boat will sink." But the SAHM might feel abandoned because of how much he's working, especially when the kids are young. But if she complains, he feels simultaneously guilty and resentful because of the work stress. Meanwhile she starts to resent his job even as she understands that it's essential to their lifestyle. I personally would not want to live with that dynamic and I think it would be incredibly toxic for me personally.

Basically I want for my DH what I want for myself -- a reasonably rewarding job that pays decent (over 100k) but has normal hours and ideally some flexibility for family stuff. We've both always prioritized these things and it works great. Neither of us works nights or weekends almost ever, our employers are understanding of stuff like needing to log-off at 5 for daycare pick up, and neither of us is in a high stress role. I think we both wish we had more impactful jobs, but it's honestly a minor complaint given how well everything else works.[/quote]

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