Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$80k-$150k is a lot of money. Had you invested some of it since 2008, you'd be a millionaire. Million throws off ca $100k a year, and nobody would have to work long hours or marry rich.

I'll have some of what you're smoking. Nobody's getting 10% guaranteed real returns every year, and in order to get to $1 million starting in 2008, you'd have to save about $2,500 post-tax every single month, which is a tall order for somebody living in DC and making $80k. Heck, even $150k.

This. Some years you're losing that $100K don't forget.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for your own advantages in life and the things you enjoy about your spouse. Sure, I wish my spouse earned more but he probably wishes I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model (I don’t.)

Also, my dad is a retired big law partner and the grueling number of hours he worked put an enormous strain on my parents marriage. Though we had a nice life and a loving home, it was a sad relationship dynamic to be around growing up, and my dad missed a lot of his kids milestones working at a job he loathed.

Haha, you don’t care if your spouse makes much because YOU come from a rich family. How can you miss that? I’ll bet you had DP help, fully funded education, and don’t have to worry about paying for your parents elder care?

Yes, and? I said to be grateful for your advantages. My husband and I both came into adulthood debt free. We were each given a great head start. But our parents don’t support as adults (nor should they.) therefore- and I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you- our income determines the lifestyle we live. My dh does fine, but my income is necessary, and because he’s not “an investment banker or in big law” I don’t particularly have flexibility to stay at home with our young kids during this point in their lives, like my mom did and many spouses married to high income partners do. Instead, I’m burnt out parenting young kids while performing mediocrely in my corporate job. I’m not complaining and some people have it FAR worse than that, but others have it better, whether it’s through a high earning spouse or a lot of family money. It doesn’t help my life to be jealous of theirs, and I’m very grateful for everything I do have.

So my answer to OP is the answer to anyone who finds themselves jealous of anything- be grateful for what you have and change what you can. If OP wants to be rich, she should go to law school or get an MBA and go into finance herself. Or maybe she’ll meet her spouse at those schools, but hopefully they don’t realize she’s a gold digger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I know the feeling. I make 120 and DH makes 350 but my best friend from college is a SAHM mom and is married to a man with close to 7 figure income. Makes me feel envious when I imagine how much more time I'd have with my kids if I didn't need to work.

You have to also count on whether the breadwinner spouse gets resentful and unhappy or thrives on being able to provide for the family and wants a s SAH spouse. Not every breadwinner loves being one and this creates tensions and disrespect and other issues in the family. It certainly takes stress off your husband knowing that in case his career goes down or he is unable to work, the family will still get some income and maybe health insurance through you. This fact that you could still support your family (even though you make a lot less) or at least won't lose ALL of the income while he is looking for another job should make you feel better. Think about women who are lifetime SAHMs and cannot easily jump into the jobs that can pay most of the bills and who have to drastically downsize and do entry level jobs in middle age.

100%. I have friends in this dynamic. He has a job that basically requires a SAHM if they have kids (which they do). But he also doesn't love the pressure of being the sole earner because it makes a stressful job even more stressful -- every time a client is throwing a fit or a deal goes sideways, he has this feeling like "oh god, I can't lose this job, the boat will sink." But the SAHM might feel abandoned because of how much he's working, especially when the kids are young. But if she complains, he feels simultaneously guilty and resentful because of the work stress. Meanwhile she starts to resent his job even as she understands that it's essential to their lifestyle. I personally would not want to live with that dynamic and I think it would be incredibly toxic for me personally.

Basically I want for my DH what I want for myself -- a reasonably rewarding job that pays decent (over 100k) but has normal hours and ideally some flexibility for family stuff. We've both always prioritized these things and it works great. Neither of us works nights or weekends almost ever, our employers are understanding of stuff like needing to log-off at 5 for daycare pick up, and neither of us is in a high stress role. I think we both wish we had more impactful jobs, but it's honestly a minor complaint given how well everything else works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be happy for your own advantages in life and the things you enjoy about your spouse. Sure, I wish my spouse earned more but he probably wishes I looked like a Victoria’s Secret model (I don’t.)

Also, my dad is a retired big law partner and the grueling number of hours he worked put an enormous strain on my parents marriage. Though we had a nice life and a loving home, it was a sad relationship dynamic to be around growing up, and my dad missed a lot of his kids milestones working at a job he loathed.

Haha, you don’t care if your spouse makes much because YOU come from a rich family. How can you miss that? I’ll bet you had DP help, fully funded education, and don’t have to worry about paying for your parents elder care?

DP but I am much more envious of people who come from wealthy families than I am of women who marry rich guys. Graduating from school without debt is such a gift. Plus wealthy families can also often help with down payments, or they pay for nice travel, or they'll pay for your kids childcare. Hell, I'm jealous of people who have parents who provide free childcare (and are young and interested in doing so).

I'd rather have a wealthy and supportive family than a high earning spouse. With a wealthy family, you have support and protection even if you never marry at all.

Who HE is doesn't make who SHE is

Anonymous wrote:OP I know the feeling. I make 120 and DH makes 350 but my best friend from college is a SAHM mom and is married to a man with close to 7 figure income. Makes me feel envious when I imagine how much more time I'd have with my kids if I didn't need to work.

You have to also count on whether the breadwinner spouse gets resentful and unhappy or thrives on being able to provide for the family and wants a s SAH spouse. Not every breadwinner loves being one and this creates tensions and disrespect and other issues in the family. It certainly takes stress off your husband knowing that in case his career goes down or he is unable to work, the family will still get some income and maybe health insurance through you. This fact that you could still support your family (even though you make a lot less) or at least won't lose ALL of the income while he is looking for another job should make you feel better. Think about women who are lifetime SAHMs and cannot easily jump into the jobs that can pay most of the bills and who have to drastically downsize and do entry level jobs in middle age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I know the feeling. I make 120 and DH makes 350 but my best friend from college is a SAHM mom and is married to a man with close to 7 figure income. Makes me feel envious when I imagine how much more time I'd have with my kids if I didn't need to work.

SAHM not SAHM mom *

Your husband makes 350...why do u need to work if u don't want to?

Anonymous wrote:OP I know the feeling. I make 120 and DH makes 350 but my best friend from college is a SAHM mom and is married to a man with close to 7 figure income. Makes me feel envious when I imagine how much more time I'd have with my kids if I didn't need to work.

SAHM not SAHM mom *

OP I know the feeling. I make 120 and DH makes 350 but my best friend from college is a SAHM mom and is married to a man with close to 7 figure income. Makes me feel envious when I imagine how much more time I'd have with my kids if I didn't need to work.

There are pluses and minuses to every situation. I don't envy those who married rich and live sweet low stress lives full of abundant conveniences and luxuries unless... they will continue being able to support themselves after the divorce of if their spouse passes away. Trying to keep it gender neutral here because same goes for men married to high earning women and same sex couples. It means that these people did become wealthy through marriage and this wealth isn't going to be taken away and they also know how to manage this wealth on their own.

I think even if you are rich, there is always some one richer. As soon as you hit the biglaw/IB money, you see that the work for the people of private jets and yachts. Until you hit the level where you have your own foundation, everyone is looking up. Even then I bet the Bill Gates and Bloombergs of the world are envious of the people with power/politicians that can try to drive real change their money can’t buy.

Just remind yourself things aren’t always as they seem. I married rich (lawyer) and there are many moments where I think I should have married the guy who made less but was more present. DH sees our kids for an hour a day if he’s not traveling for work. He doesn’t help with the management of the household other than finances. We take nice vacations, but he works the entire time. I sometimes envy my peers who married spouses who aren’t work and money obsessed.

Anonymous wrote:$80k-$150k is a lot of money. Had you invested some of it since 2008, you'd be a millionaire. Million throws off ca $100k a year, and nobody would have to work long hours or marry rich.

I'll have some of what you're smoking. Nobody's getting 10% guaranteed real returns every year, and in order to get to $1 million starting in 2008, you'd have to save about $2,500 post-tax every single month, which is a tall order for somebody living in DC and making $80k. Heck, even $150k.

$80k-$150k is a lot of money. Had you invested some of it since 2008, you'd be a millionaire. Million throws off ca $100k a year, and nobody would have to work long hours or marry rich.

If he was rich, hot, and a great dad and spouse..than yeah, I might be drooling a bit!