Reply to Just realized I dated and am married to an alcoholic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Abuse, Addiction, Adultery = Divorce[/quote]

Addiction can be much more complex and not always an automatic, simple "divorce." Have you ever loved, liked and treasured someone who was not cheating, not abusive, a good person, with so much positive to offer (and being offered daily), who also could not cope without whatever substance dulls that person's very individual mental or emotional or physical pain? I'm guessing you have not. Just rabbiting on about "addiction = divorce" is so very, very simplistic. Real humans, and real love, are not that simplistic. But that's DCUM for you: Reduce everything to a formula and claim it can be applied everywhere, all the time, to every situation.[/quote]

Alcoholic and not abusive is doing some heavy lifting …. by its nature alcoholism abuses the non-alcoholic family members because alcoholism almost always comes with some of the following - lying, blame-shifting, not meeting responsibilities, manipulating, taking advantage of someone, etc.

If you know someone who has been an alcoholic without doing those things, then I think you have found a unicorn.

And, BTW, just because we divorce an alcoholic, doesn’t mean we don’t love them.  TBH, the most loving thing I could do was divorce my alcoholic spouse - it woke him the f%£? up and he started to take treatment seriously.

Divorcing my alcoholic spouse also was the most loving thing I could do for my kids.  They grew up without addiction in the household. Safe. With a healthy parent teaching and modeling about substance abuse. Both of them reached college without substance abuse, and, knock on wood, will avoid that fate.  If that turns out to be true, divorcing their dad will have broken a 3 generation cycle of alcoholism.

It was the most loving thing I could do. 
[/quote]

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