Reply to Tell me about leaving your alocholic spouse

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Tell me about leaving your alocholic spouse"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I divorced mine after about 15 years - he moved out right as the pandemic was starting.  we are all in a much better place, including the kids.

I do worry about them being alone with him, but as PPs have said there are ways to ensure their safety (and make sure you have an excellent lawyer with experience with addicts - when I asked around in MD the same 3 or 4 names kept coming up and they all know each other); and they were 8 and 10 so I was past the point of worrying that they would stick a fork in an electric socket if he passed out on the couch or something.

Meanwhile, I am so much more at peace and present for them, in a way that I couldnt be when I was constantly watching him like a hawk and quietly seething because he wouldn’t do his share of anything and was always sneaking around and lying to me.  SO they have a happy, more relaxed mom.  Ex is more or less the same, but he is probably also a bit happier without me seething all over the place, and it isnt my problem anymore if he cant get a plumber to the house or mow the lawn or whatever.

FWIW, besides waiting for the kids to be a safer age, what made me finally pull the trigger was realizing our relationship would never recover even if he got totally sober.  we had done a ton of therapy, he went to rehab 3 times, AA and everything, but he never acknowledged the damage that his behavior caused, or tried to repair it.  one small example:  he went to a work conference where lots of folks convene at the bar, and promised to text me at 9am each day. then he forgot.  i was positive, after as many years of his drinking and passing out and whatnot as i had watched, that he had binged and was passed out in his room or worse, and i was terrified.  i was actually on hold with the hotel to send security to his room when he texted me at 11 and said ‘oops, sorry.’.

a recovering addict who really wanted to make amends would have made damn sure to set an alarm.  A secret drinker who sneaks around and lies and gaslights is a lot like a cheater.  a relationship can only recover and trust be rebuilt if they are committed to rebuilding it, and he wasnt.  once i realized that nothing could repair the damage, even if he got sober, it was an easy choice.  and maybe he will actually do better on his sobriety journey without a wife who is angry all the time.

good luck, OP.  this is not easy.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics