Reply to Tell me about leaving your alocholic spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wouldn’t marry an alcoholic to begin with, specially if my father had had the same issue and I carry the baggage to think my marriage would end like the marriage of my parents.

That being said, if you think there is no hope here and you are willing and capable to be a single mom, you sure can. [/quote]

I didn't marry an alcoholic to begin with. We have been together almost 20 years and the drinking has been happening for 3 years. [/quote]

Then you are within your right to demand sobriety or divorce if you have tried your best to help him. [/quote]

I honestly don't know if I have tried my best to help him. We have a special needs child and a toddler, I care for my mother, I am the breadwinner and the default parent. I feel like I don't have a single more ounce of myself to give to anyone.[/quote]

I find it weird how people put the obligation of addressing alcoholism on the spouse.  It is full stop the responsibility of the substance abuser first and foremost to “try his  best to help himself” to address the substance abuse.   If this is not happening, then a spouse may be willing to stay in the marriage.

Boundaries are really important in healthy relationships. His alcoholism is his problem.  No one has a right jeopardize her hard-won safety by insisting she stay in the marriage to help him.  Her priority is her own sanity and the health and safety of the kids. After that, ic Op wants to help, then fine, but help does not have to come within the marriage.

[/quote]

This. People argue spouses need to stay and deal with it because it’s an illness….okay, fine, but if my spouse had a physical illness like diabetes or cancer I’d expect them to get professional help rather than trying to guilt trip me into curing their diabetes. Because I can’t. [/quote]

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