Reply to Your spouse’s messed up family history effected your marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband's father is a nasty narcissist who can't see past the end of his own nose and was always verbally abusive, predominantly to my husband's mother. She, in turn, was verbally abusive to my husband.

My husband had a distant but cordial relationship with them when we met. I saw his father's behavior immediately (he berated his wife in front of multiple people at Thanksgiving dinner), but I also saw how my husband never acted like that. I heard his mom's abuse towards him, but saw how he didn't react in anger towards her. Basically he spent his whole life trying to be the opposite of his parents.

Fast forward to today, 15 years later, he has gone through therapy to really uncover what he went through as a child and acknowledge that it was neither normal nor acceptable, and his parents are now completely out of our life after an incident involving horrendous verbal abuse that was directed at me and affected our kids.

So I think it's quite possible for people to not turn out like their parents, but it takes an acknowledgment of what happened and a lot of work on their part. [/quote]

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