Reply to Younger siblings are successful and hurt feeelings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As long as they are not asking to live with you (which I would not allow), I would stay out of it.

The only expense of theirs I might be willing to pay is health insurance. Pay it directly so you know it’s getting paid. If they have a health catastrophe, is your husband going to want to pay their bills if they are insured? Maybe. So it’s better to proactively pay their health insurance.

Otherwise, pay nothing.[/quote]

Op here,

The oldest lived with us for two years straight ten years ago and the youngest maybe six months top. It was definitely weird having two adults living with us but not working or going to school. Both of them moved back with their mom and dh and I are definitely done raising our kids. Dh and I pay for Health insurance, car payments and hand money. Step kids are currently not working and their mom is on disability. We payed child support until they were 18 and 19 years old. Also paid for college but they didn’t finish as plan. [/quote]

It’s not normal to be that age and not in school or not working. It’s disturbing that their father has not intervened before now. Also it’s tough to live on disability benefits, much less support two adult kids. It sounds like your DH dropped the ball and that neither of you know what’s going on in that household.

If your kids are so kind and compassionate, and I don’t doubt you on that, you should have no trouble helping them understand that some people lack the capacity and support to become independent. Of course that then raises the question of how you are going to explain their father’s role in that and for that i don’t know how you would do that because it looks like he really failed his older boys. [/quote]

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