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[quote=Anonymous]OP— I have an anxiety disorder.  And as a result, transitions are tough for me. Transition to college, to grad school, to career, to marriage, to motherhood. Now to empty nest— all tough. So, I have gotten therapy and learned how to set up good situations (I’m now laying the groundwork of things to do for when my 2022 kid leaves) and to tolerate uncomfortable ones until they become familiar.

Sometimes, transferring is the right call. But,  I look and I see a kid who had a tough first year in transferred— in 2020 during COVID, when everyplace was less than ideal.  I have 2020 kid. It was not ideal, but most kids dealt with less than ideal and looked forward to more normal this year.   And now your wants to transfer again— because of housing. And that point, she has 2 “failures” under her belt in places where most college kids were or are able to make it work.

At some point, you DD will have to stick with a less than ideal, unfamiliar or difficult situation or she will never be able to live independently, have a career or have a family.  Those are skills you learn. And every time she does’t stick with a situation that has issues but isn’t terrible, she has less confidence in herself.

I would do whatever it took to make this situation work. It has a downside: housing. State college will have a downside too. The grass is always greener.  Help her find housing, have her take a gap year to get therapy and work, work with disability services to keep her on campus— whatever. Filling in as her friend is not healthy.  Helping her avoid dealing with uncomfortable situations is not a good idea.

FWIw, my kid has sensory issues. I call them bat ears. If your DD advertised for a roommate looking for a quiet environment, she’d sign on for that over living with a noisy BFF. There are definitely other kids looking for quiet roommates. [/quote]

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