Reply to Anyone have a large 5+ age gap between kids?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a 10 year old daughter.  Almost anything a 10 year old says is a snapshot of that moment in time.  They aren’t thinking back over the last several weeks/months/years and considering all of the times x or y happened.  Probably something happened that day where you chose the younger sibling over her, and she told her grandparents about it.  And of course she seemed genuinely sad, and this was new to the grandparents.  Kids’ brains undergo big changes around puberty and just before.  She probably really legitimately does feel more sad and have more complex feelings about this than she has ever felt before.  That’s not because the situation is so bad.  It’s because her ability to feel these things is increasing and changing.

My daughter’s most recent thing was that that she had no one to sit next to at lunch.  On further questioning, what she really meant was that her closest friend sat next to someone else, and she was jealous.  At the same time, she realized she had been ignoring her other friends in favor of the best friend, and she was guilty.  She WAS sad.  And she didn’t feel that she had anyone she was comfortable sitting next to at lunch.  But she needed to find a way to deal with these emotions, not change the situation.  Bending over backwards would be the wrong move here.  
It was very different than my older son with ASD who didn’t have anyone to sit next to at lunch.  He really had no friends.  He didn’t just need to manage his emotions.  He needed the school and I to bend over backwards to change the situation.

I think you should sit down with your daughter and talk about these emotions.  Bending over backwards to change the way that your family functions is probably not the best move here.  
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