Reply to s/o finding a half sibling placed in adoption

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If your mother is alive you need to let this be her decision or the decision of the person placed for adoption. You can NOT drive this - that's inappropriate.[/quote]

Sorry. But it is appropriate,  as the birtgh mother actually isn't entitled to privacy of who is related to whom.  The adult child is allowed privacy once he or she indicates they aren't interested,  but, keep in mind this relationship affects absolutely everyone...the children and grandchildren of these people, the father that no one mentions, and his family. [/quote]

The birth mom is absolutely entitled to privacy and at the time of adoption was promised it.[/quote]

No one is entitled to absolute privacy.  And it is very unlikely that in the 60’s this birth mother was promised privacy.  My mom surrendered in 1965 and she knew that her baby could access his/her original birth certificate at age 18.  The law was only changed years LATER to retroactively block access to a child’s identity.  Many states are finally undoing this terrible injustice. For many birth mothers, the idea that her child might one day find her was her one shining hope after being forced to surrender.  Taking that away after the fact was cruelty upon cruelty.

Birth mothers do not live in an information vacuum.  They know now that DNA can connect their child to their family.  If they haven’t yet gotten therapy for their situation and realize that they have the power to hurt terribly a child who already has a lot of trauma, they should seek therapy to be prepared if that child finds them.

As PP said, mothers are not the only and are certainly not the most important person in the adoption circle.  The adopted person is in the center and their needs should be centered.  But other people affected: siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, all kin…they matter, too.  And if they and the adopted person are happy to be in reunion, they should feel free to enjoy their relationships.[/quote]

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