Reply to PSA: Visualize your future and proceed accordingly

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think marriage is as mysterious as a watermelon. Just ask. Do you see yourself with a SAHM or someone with a career? Why? This was second date conversation for us. We had a love at first sight encounter and were in our late 20s, so I knew I wasn’t going to waste time with anyone who had incompatible values. It was clear to me after one conversation that DH wanted a wife with a career and understood what that meant. He has stood up to every promise. Most guys are straightforward, and you can also tell how they will be around the house by seeing if they have cooking skills and keep their place clean. You can see if they are good with kids by how they treat kids of friends and family members. You’ll probably be sick or stressed with work/life in the course of dating, and if they bring you soup and tuck you in then you know if they’ll support you. [b]People tell you who they are.[/b][/quote]

Sometimes people tell you who they are.  Sometimes they don’t.  DH had absolutely no interest in children, and is an extremely good parent.  I got lucky.  He is also very invested in the cleanliness of our home, despite no real clues to that inclination before.  I got lucky.  He also cares more and more and more about his health as time goes on, after not being terribly smart about his health in his twenties.  Got lucky again, am unlucky in other things.  I cannot really think of any clues about these developments other than DH seemed generally reasonable and not stupid.  I’m not a brilliant husband chooser or anything and it could have gone the other way.  I have friends who married perfectly nice men who developed big problems later.  They are just human.

People change over the course of a relationship.  A LOT.  I have changed tremendously.  I was once anxiety-ridden- I’m like a completely different person now.  DH would have been very justified in not staying with the old iteration of me but he married me anyway.  He got lucky- it could just as easily gone the other way.[/quote]

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