Reply to Red flags you saw in spouse while dating

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[quote=Anonymous]I started to reply and it turned into a long and depressing list of things that would have made you ask why on earth I would have stayed with this person, and how I could possibly call it a happy marriage.

Instead, what I think I would say is that things that were issues or problems while dating all remain. Some have become bigger issues, some have been resolved, and some wax/wane depending on where we are in life. (Raising kids will elevate some concerns and totally sideline others for instance.)

I have found that for me it isn't about clear definitions of a happy marriage - it's about a complicated web of compromises between the benefits and hardships of making a life with someone else. There are things I long for that I will never have in this marriage. And there are things I have and absolutely never have to worry about with my husband which are profoundly important to me. Most days, when I think calmly, the good far outweighs the bad.

So I stay. I call it happy overall. And I trust that a marriage isn't a totally fixed thing - we change, we grow, we evolve, different phases of life bring different challenges and rewards, etc... I'm in it for the long haul, not for perfection.[/quote]

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