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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven't told DH yet because I just found out this morning.  Needless to say, neither DH nor the ex were too fond of each other.  They only met a couple of times.  Obviously, I know I can't run home (nor do I necessarily want to) to what will likely be a funeral.  My parents are out of the country, so I can't even send one of them in my stead.  I just feel like our relationship was a significant part of both of our lives and, [b]because he never ended up married with a family of his own, that I owe him something at this point.[/b]  I know that's irrational but I keep thinking people want me to do something.  I heard from two different friends first thing this morning (after it happened)-- "we knew you'd want to know."  and "we'll let you know when we hear more."  Again, not sure how to process it.[/quote]

Pardon me for saying so, but this is somewhat big-headed.  You have no idea if he was single because he never got over you...it could just be he preferred that.  You do not owe him anything-the relationship is long over, and you have (you say) moved on with your life.  You should do what makes you comfortable, so if you want to go to the funeral, you should go (I would in your place).  But don't go because you feel like it's expected of you, or because you owe it to him.  He's going to be past caring at that point anyway.

If you were close to his parents, I'd write them and express your sympathies.  Then go to the funeral if you want to.[/quote]

I have to agree with this poster. I think you're tripping yourself up by focusing on your significance in his life.  You will be one of many people who reach out and offer condolences. He was an important part of your life and there is nothing wrong with expressing this to him and/or his family. Are you thinking that whatever action you take or don't take will have a profound impact on his final moments?  If so, I believe you're over-thinking it.  Your mutual friends were right to keep you updated on how he's doing, because why wouldn't you want to know (especially if you were still in contact with him, enough for you to meet his kids). I don't imagine anyone has any expectation of you at all. Just do what feels right.[/quote]

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