Reply to Husband frustrated about career and taking it out on me

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Reply to "Husband frustrated about career and taking it out on me"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A goal like this sounds awfully specific. If this is something like "making partner" there are other variables out there beyond his contril. If you share the specific goal we can help with data. [/quote]

Yes, it is specific. Like making partner. There are many variables beyond his control and that’s exactly why he’s taking out his frustrations for his lack of control over the process on the one thing he can pick on without facing professional repercussions, ie me.[/quote]

So he's an asshole is what you're saying.[/quote]

He’s behaving like one under stress, yes. Does everyone? I don’t know. I am only married to this asshole.[/quote]

No - not everyone behaves like this, habitually, under stress. Everyone’s an asshole occasionally, but this doesn’t sound occasional.

You need to draw some boundaries; if he can’t treat you decently, he needs counseling or (if he doesn’t think he needs to treat you decently) he needs to go. [/quote]

He’s been in counseling for years. I’ve told him repeatedly he can’t shout in my face, etc. The behavior continues. [/quote]

Oh man
.
First off a good counseling also meets w close family once a month to keep him accountable.

Second off, what kid of parent is he since separating might be a better option for everyone. What age are the kids? Can he parent?

Would he consider moving out for a few months? Work hard, be his best self when stopping by.

Does he have any other life and family goals he is working towards? Or just his personal career one? [/quote]

He can parent.

He says he doesn’t want to move out without some kind of legal agreement.

All other life and family goals are deprioritized relative to this. He does take care of the kids, cook, load laundry, etc. If it’s something else like hey, we need a shoe rack and laundry hampers and a coat rack it will go for years and finally I will do it. I hired all the childcare. I buy all the kids stuff, furniture, handle school correspondence and camp sign up. Social stuff for the family is with my friends. I plan vacations and do stuff like family traditions for the kids. I don’t think we are very different from many couples in that after our first kid was born I was overwhelmed handling the kid stuff — he didn’t buy anything for the baby or read any books about the stages of the baby development. He was mad that he did not have enough time to play soccer with a newborn. But when the second kid came he was more ready. He is a hands on dad. There have been a few anger episodes with the kids that they got upset about but overall he is fine.[/quote]

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