Reply to What is with DCUM women and "mental loads?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I understand that this is a real thing based on a societal expectation carried over from a time when most women didn’t work outside the home. What I don’t understand is why women like those on DCUM allow this to persist. You recognize it’s happening and yet you keep doing it? Why?[/quote]

Because sometimes showing the inequality, sharing how you feel about the inequality, encouraging your spouse to step up, cajoling your spouse, threatening, crying-none of that changes the situation.

Like one of the pp, I'm now divorced.

I remember heading into work one day knowing I was going to work a 12 which included a stressful event. I told my then-spouse. "I'm going to have a long stressful day at work. I should be home by 7:00 and it would really mean a lot to me if you would make dinner or order something so I can eat when I get home (always too stressed to eat at events)." Spouse says okay. Got home at 7:00, " how was your day, what's for dinner?" Silence. "We talked about it this morning and you were going to handle dinner." "I didn't know what you would want so I waited for you."

That times 365 will drive a person batty. I handed this person on a platter the small task that would make me very happy and make me feel loved and they couldn't/wouldn't/didn't do it. Two years later, spouse says, "I feel like you are always mad at me." And I was.

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