Reply to Anybody read tomorrow’s Carolyn Hax?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Anybody read tomorrow’s Carolyn Hax?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Carolyn Hax can go either way for me, but I thought her response was spot on in this case.  I was in a relationship where this was an issue. We could be arguing about the most simplistic thing (like, could you please clean up after yourself when you spill coffee on the kitchen counter?) and their response would always be defensive.  Most of our arguments were derailed by their "off ramps" from the argument.  It's a diversion tactic to move away from the issue at hand and change the narrative to where spouse becomes the victim, the actual issue is forgotten about, and the argument becomes about ME -- my tone, my timing of raising an issue while they're stressed from work (they're always stressed from work!), I'm not listening to their response... It's manipulative as hell.  [/quote]

Yes! (OP here) he gets defensive and then I have to make sure he's OK. Yes. He gets defensive and paints himself the victem, as if I really think he's the word person in the word.

I just thought he was insecure. But that's not it at all, is it? He's secure as hell and is manipulating me.[/quote]

He's insecure AND he's manipulating you.

He's defensive because he really does feel like he did something wrong.  He knows that he is supposed to clean up the coffee from the kitchen counter, and he feels bad about it.  He can't handle the bad feeling on his own, so he makes you make him feel better.  
[/quote]

So what to do about it?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics