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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Anybody read tomorrow’s Carolyn Hax?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I grew up in this type of household, trained by mom to manage dads emotions from the youngest age. I didn’t fully realize how broken it was (and I was) until I watched grandma coaching my 3 year old to manage grandpa’s big feelings by ignoring her own. I hope this letter writer goes to therapy and gets the backbone my mom never did. [/quote] Wow. You just nailed it on the head for me. This is what I'm doing to my oldest DD (7) with her dad's emotions, because we're both afraid that she'll get in trouble with him. You're right that it is broken, and thank you for sharing.[/quote] PP saying to you what I still wish I could say to my mom: HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER'S BACK. She has a right to live in a household where she can be herself and express her own needs, with confidence that the adults around her will keep her safe and loved, with needs met. When I was four, I fell out of my bed and broke a bone. My dad was the one who came to me because I was crying, and I was so practiced at hiding my needs even at that age that I went back to bed until morning, when I was so swollen I couldn't sit up. This was a funny family story for us until I had my own 4 year old, and realized after a stubbed toe or something similarly minor how devastating the thought of a child not being able to trust a parent to help with a broken bone actually is.[/quote]
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