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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's always the sibling or the in law or the spouse that is the problem.  It's never the OP.[/quote]

Does it matter who the problem is? OP and her sibling cannot find a way to get along. OP’s approach is to have a cordial but distant relationship. Why is that a bad solution? [/quote]

Exactly.  Even if the OP is partly to blame, so what?  They don't enjoy spending time together and they don't get along.  Seems like this is the best solution -- no one is cutting anyone off or making any dramatic gestures.  They see each other at family events and don't engage deeply.

I wouldn't debate the issue or defend my choice to my parents.  You can empathize -- "It sounds like you wish things were different," or "You wish our relationship was more like you and your brother's," etc.  But that's it.  Validate their feelings, but then don't talk about it.  They aren't your confidants, and you're unlikely to convince them to agree with you.  [/quote]

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