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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Same here and I am not “blaming” my sister as I know she has her own perspective on our relationship (and in my case my sister seems to take the same cordial but distant approach as I have adopted) but our parents simply cannot accept this and for some reason put the fault on me. My father in particular really gaslights me and it has strained my relationship with him to an unpleasant point. [/quote]

My mother does the same thing. She would not hear of any of my complaints throughout childhood unless they were physical assaults. My older sister was a master at being truly cruel. She even heard complaints outside the family and shot the messenger. Now she is livid I won't go along with her idea of how a family should look. The minimizes things and I am the villain for finally saying "no thank you." There has never been a healthy relationship there to build on. The time she thought it was fine in adulthood she just ignored when I said otherwise. I played a roll to please, but hated spending time with her at family functions due to all the jabs, slights, and competitiveness. Sure I ignored and changed the subject, but I have no need for this in my life. If my spouse behaved the way she has consistently, they would rally around if I divorced. it's just for family, apparently anything goes in their minds.

It really is sad. You endure toxic behavior for decades and get gaslit if you complain. When you finally set massive boundaries you are scapegoated because you pop the bubble of their family dream. Just listening to what my mother says is fascinating. It used to be about being there for eachother and now it's about how embarrassed she is when extended family members ask. Keeping up appearances is everything apparently.

My cruel sibling is very much alone because she has alienated a lot of people. So now I am supposed to feel sorry for her because her own behavior has scared people away.[/quote]

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