Reply to SIL and BIL divorcing and BIL angry w me and DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had this exact thing happen to me but genders all reversed. Ex BIL twisted our words to support whatever point he was making with SIL. She was livid with us for months and stopped talking to us for some time. Took a couple years to get back to where we were, even though I didn’t think we did anything wrong but also we apologized multiple times regardless.

I went through that conversation so many times and I know we didn’t say what was implied. But we cut ties after that. I did think Ex BIL may have generally been in the right and perhaps that came through. Regardless, the relationship with SIL was more important to us and unless they had a good ex relationship (which they didn’t), we did not want to get in the middle of it. It was the right decision to cut ties. They had no children so we have no connection with him anymore.

They weren’t married that long, so they might change my response. But if they aren’t on good terms, I do think you will need to pick sides. Not because you’re being forced to but because this will happen again. [/quote]

Thanks for responding. We’ll stay on good terms w both BIL and SIL if possible since they do have kids and we want to stay in the kids’ lives as much as possible. Since SIL and I are the 2 “outlaws” of the family, and since BIL (and other members of Dh’s family) are difficult people, I think for a long time I allowed myself to be kind of willfully ignorant of some of the ways in which SIL is a difficult person too herself. I have no blood sisters and I really always wanted a sister so I think sometimes I tried a bit too hard to make SIL like a sister to me but I’ve been Doing a lot of thinking over the weekend and realizing many times when SIL has proven to be manipulative and I now kind of feel like she did “use” me or at least was tricky/sneaky in this case so I trust her a lot less now. I’ve seen her “play games” like that and do things that cause drama and/or are mean before but it has never been directed toward me or DH before so I didn’t think as much about it. I had been mostly thinking BIL’s issues were primarily leading to their relationship problems but now I can see how SIL has contributed a lot of hurt and difficulty to their relationship too so I’m prepared to be a lot more neutral going forward.

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