Reply to Are sons missing a genetic gene on caring about their parents?

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Reply to "Are sons missing a genetic gene on caring about their parents?"

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[quote=Anonymous]No.

Lots of other factors are at play here. I'm a woman, and I used to put a lot of effort into caring for my parents. I used most of my vacation time for years to care for my mom who has several chronic illnesses, because my dad is such a poor caretaker. However, after my older siblings married and started having kids, and I was still single, my mother started acting very hostile towards me. I don't know why. Her behavior was borderline abusive and pushed me into therapy. I finally decided for my own well being that I would step back from care for her and let my older siblings take that on, since she was so much more approving of their lives and seemed happier with them. At first this made everyone angry with me because of course it's harder to provide care for aging parents when you have kids. But I'd started reading about how youngest daughters are often forced into that caregiving role and become disturbed by the inherent misogyny in that approach (I have a younger brother as well). I didn't want to sacrifice my future to become my mom's nurse.

And now I do very little for them. I visit once or twice a year. I have since started my own family and my focus is on them. My mom is nicer to me since I became a mom, but I feel like I learned the limitations to her love and I'm cautious with it now. I don't feel I owe anyone anything. In many ways, I feel like I've become similar to those men people like OP complain about, focused entirely on my own life and not setting aside time or energy for my parents. And I'm okay with it.

You reap what you so. No one, not even your children, owes you anything. If you make your love conditional, theirs will be too.[/quote]

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