Reply to Gifts received from estranged family member?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can’t tell you without context. I wouldn’t write return to sender.

If it’s normal disagreement. Like covid. No this is crazy to throw in the trash. Some people don’t know how to reach out. Again I have no idea why he is estranged.

I agree with the persons that children can have relationships with their aunts/uncles despite disagreements. When my moms fights with her sister, my relationship is unaffected. They fight about money because of my grandmothers estate but everyone truly loves each other. [/quote]

You don't understand that estrangement is not about normal fights. It's about abusive behavior like years of gaslighting, emotional abuse and manipulation. You do not accept gifts from someone like that. The people who trivialize estrangement are either people who cannot fathom what it is to have an abusive family member or they cannot under why people in their own family have estranged from them despite repeated messages over many years that things were unhealthy.

If you have gotten to the point of estrangement, you intercept and protect your children. Children should not have their own relationship with people who are deranged.[/quote]

Are you the OP?  If not, you are making a lot of assumptions that aren’t supported by the minimal information that the OP has provided.

[/quote]

Here’s another viewpoint, based in part on my family experiences.  A somewhat paranoid and exacting family member repeatedly and characteristically alienated numerous people, from family members to people in local businesses. He would then issue edicts that: No one in the family should have any contact with anyone that he had deemed problematic— based on his own, idiosyncratic reasoning.  This made quite a few things difficult for his family members, including being unable to build their own close, positive relationships with extended family members.

I put this out there, PP, because the scenario that I described fits the few details that have been described at least as well as your version, which is projecting quite a lot onto the minimal information that the OP shared.

So, again, context is important— and the OP has provided very little.  [/quote]

NP and I agree that more info is needed, because even these couple of examples show that circumstances can vary and that can make a big difference.

In my own case, I am now estranged from my SIL who I once considered a sister and can't imagine ever rebuilding a friendship after what happened between us. On the other hand, my relationship with her doesn't have to be my kids' relationship with her. As an aunt she's stable and fine, but I realize this might not be the case in all families.[/quote]

While a mature perspective, tread lightly with your assumption she’s a great aunt. My mom was estranged from her mom - my grandmother - and still permitted my grandmother to have contact with us kids over the years. In time my grandmother became increasingly abusive and toxic toward us and the same elements of her personality that led to her estrangement from my mom reared their head for us grandkids. Because my mom wasn’t present in our interactions it meant we were particularly vulnerable to my grandmother’s manipulations and nastiness.

I know you’re trying to do the right thing. But there’s a reason your estranged from this person, they did something harmful. Don’t assume they’d be any different with your kids. [/quote]

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