Reply to Parents who don’t foster healthy relationships in childhood yet expect them in adulthood?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP this seems like something to explore in therapy.  Your mother was a child when she had you.

If you can find a way to view her as a flawed human who did the best she could, you might be able to find some compassion for her.[/quote]

This.

Are you a mother yet? That should give you a different perspective. I hope you have a 16 year old daughter someday so you can see things from the other side.

If you could build a loving relationship with your in-laws, then surely you can have a relationship with your own mother.

Get therapy, and build a healthy new relationship with your mom. Forget the past, and focus on the present. [/quote]

I think you response is disingenuous. I wholeheartedly agree that OP should get therapy. The goal of therapy is not to forget the past. The goal of therapy is to help work through all the weird feelings of love, hate, disappointment, guilt etc. that you experience as an adult when you have a dysfunctional childhood and to give you strategies for dealing with your parent in an adult relationship. OP does not have an obligation to have a relationship with her mother, but, it sounds like she  has a close relationship with extended family (which means she has to deal with her mom at times as well).

OP, good luck to you. My own experience is that therapy will help a lot (and you may not even need to go to that many sessions). Don't focus on "fixing" the relationship with your mother. Just figure out strategies and responses for when she drives you crazy. I also find it helpful to remind myself of good things about my parents (my dad had a love for halloween and it is actually one holiday I only have good memories of). It humanizes them and makes them seem not all bad. Definitely don't enmesh yourself in family therapy with her like another PP suggested, just focus on yourself.[/quote]

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