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[quote=Anonymous]I'm the PP who wrote out my ADHD DH's thought process. It's bothering me that I can't fix the quotes!!

It struck me that the behavior is actually the same as a narcissist, but the intent is different. Having grown up with a narcissistic parent, I am seeing that I chose a DH to repeat my patterns, sigh! It matters to me that the motivations are different though. I love my DH because I KNOW he loves and cares for me underneath it (not just hoping he loves me underneath it all, as you do with a narcissist).

For the PP whose DH is untreated: My DH was untreated for most of his life, now in his 40s. I always knew something was "off" and while we talked about him having ADHD or being on the spectrum, it just didn't really sink in because we didn't know enough about it, and DH thought he was successful enough that he didn't need help. The thing that changed was, his young adult son on his own initiative decided to seek a diagnosis for himself. Then we really started learning about it, and I suspected our younger child has it too. After the young adult son was diagnosed and successfully treated, DH was all-in on getting diagnosed too.

He takes Adderall, and I knew it was working the 2nd day he was on it when he emerged from his lair and asked to join the board game we were playing. He says he feels more calm and more functional. I notice he's less frustrated and more willing to help. I can tell when he hasn't taken it, because he's more agitated/irritating.

If you think this might be your a-hole DH's issue, I recommend reading all about ADHD and having some conversations about it. If the DH refuses getting treatment, then you're going to need therapy for yourself.

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